Page 20 of Between Now and Always

But, they aren’t myparents.And, I amnottheir son.

My character, my values, my moral compass were all shaped by the people who raised, and by the choices I’ve made for myself.

I fold the letter in half and sit there feeling lighter than I have in a year.

My girl has the heart of a lion. She used the shitty hand she was dealt to inform the kind of life shedidn’twant and now, she’s finally on her way to freedom.

From the night she wiped her make up off to show me her beauty mark, to penning this letter on her way out of hell, she’s always showing me what real courage looks like. You don’t master fear by pretending you don’t feel it.

I’ve been so afraid to talk about what happened that I’ve pretended this huge thing didn’t happen. I’ve refused to talk to a man who could be my brother in more than DNA alone. I’ve hurt my brother and best friend and I’ve lied to my family for months.

I’ve lost touch with Beth.

And look what happened the last time I let that happen. I need to find her.

I’ve got new commitments. But, when I told Beth I loved her, I made a commitment to her, too. I meant it then, I mean it now.

I can’t be with her the way I want, but I can be the friend she deserves and make sure that she’s not alone when the real fight lands on her doorstep.

Because it’s coming.

Duke Tremaine and Andrew Wolfe aren’t going to let their golden goose roam free for long. I know that for certain. If Phil is trying to take them down, then I want to help him.

One of my strongest instincts is to protect. When it comes to the people I love, that instinct is a whip at my back. I used to think it made me impulsive, lead me to overreact, so I’ve shied away from it. Not anymore. I’m about to lean into that whip like a motherfucker.

With that resolve firmly in hand, I stand, ready to head back to the studio.

The beep of a key card unlocking my hotel door freezes me mid stride.

Giselle, my disastrous attempt at a one night stand who looked like Beth but wasn’t, walks in. She stops, too — her brown eyes widen as the same surprise I feel is mirrored across her face.

“What are you doing here?” I demand, my eyes moving between the key card on of her hands and the suitcase handle in the other.

“You’re here,” she says and takes a tentative step into the room. She jumps when the door slams shut behind her.

“It’s my hotel room. Of course I’m here.” My voice is stony and she flinches, her eyes dart to the floor.

I thought you were working all day,” she says.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re in my hotel room and how you got a key. Start talking or I’m calling the cops,” I warn.

Her head snaps up. Her panicked eyes fill with tears and her gaunt, pale cheeks flush as she presses her hands together in front of her chest, as if in prayer.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t. I just…I need a place to crash during the day. Just for today. I found your extra key in my stuff and I wasn’t gonna do anything besides shower and sleep. I swear. I’m just…” her eyes cast around the room, restless and anxious. They linger on the bed before they come back to me.

She’s dressed in the same clothes she was wearing the night we met - acid washed jeans that are a size too big, a t-shirt one size too small. She’s got black smudges around her eyes and smears of red lipstick around her lips that look like they’ve been there for days.

She smells like cigarette smoke and beer.

“Did you just get off work?”

She purses her lips together as if I asked her a question she doesn’t want to answer and nods sharply.

“Listen, I’m sorry I bothered you. It’s just…I heard them say your song was playing today. I figured you’d be gone at something to celebrate. I just — Don’t call the cops. I’ll go. Can I— I just please use your bathroom? I’ll be quick and then I’ll be gone.” She’s shivering and I can’t tell if she’s sick, or scared.

Fuck me.

I look at the clock, remember where I was going and why. I don’t want to waste another minute and whatever is going on here is clearly going to take longer than that.

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