Page 47 of Finding Home

“No, honey,” Aubrey says. “I’m staying here.”

“You want to stay here with her?” Barbara asks hopefully.

Raine looks at Aubrey, and then at Barbara, like she’s tempted to change her mind and stay. But ultimately, Raine murmurs something I can’t make out. Something the rest of the adults who know her better interpret as a firm decision to join Joe and Barbara for their drive.

I thank Joe again for all his help with the deck today and walk the Capshaws to their car, while Barbara carries Raine. Before she straps Raine in, I pat my daughter on the cheek and wish her goodnight, and then stand next to Aubrey and wave goodbye with a fake smile on my face as the Capshaws drive away with my daughter nestled safely in their backseat.

“Today was good,” Aubrey says, as the car’s taillights disappear from sight down the dirt road.

“No, it was amazing.” I take a deep breath. “I need to go for a walk to clear my head. By myself.” I’m elated about today’s progress with Raine; but also disappointed today wasn’t enough to make Raine trust me. Both things can co-exist, it turns out. Elation and disappointment.

“Sorry, I can’t let you walk alone,” Aubrey says.

I grunt in frustration. “You still don’t trust me?”

“It’s not a matter of trust. It’s a matter of what I’ve promised, in writing, to do.”

I run a hand through my hair. Man, I could use afucking drink right about now. Either that, or a really good fuck. But since neither option is available to me, I’ll settle for being alone on a long walk, followed by jerking myself off to fantasies of Aubrey Capshaw sucking my cock.

“I’ll put on sneakers, real quick,” Aubrey says, motioning to the flipflops on her feet.

“Never mind,” I grumble. “I’ll play my drums, instead. The whole point is for me to be alone, not to walk.”

“Suit yourself.” She frowns. “Actually, it’s pretty late for you to play your drums, don’t you think? If someone in a nearby house has a small kid to put to bed, they’ll be pissed off at you. Might even call the police.”

I stare at her, incredulously. I can’t drink. Can’t smoke a blunt or a bowl. Can’t fuck. Can’t walk alone. And now, I can’t even play my fucking drums to let off steam? Sounds like the only thing left, literally, is working out, taking a hot shower, and then getting into bed to jerk off to fantasies of Aubrey.

Unless . . .

My eyes shift to Joe’s parked truck on the side of the house. Prairie Springs is a ghost town after eight, but I bet the bars and liquor stores in Billings are open till much later, especially on a Saturday night. Billings is only about an hour away, after all. It’d be easy enough to go there and return before Aubrey wakes up, without her ever finding out what I did.

The idea rapidly gains steam inside my head. Yes. This could work. I’ll drive away tonight, after Aubrey falls asleep, with Big Betty in neutral and the headlights off. I’ll find myself a dive bar in Billings where I can relax and play some pool or darts. Nothing too crazy. And I won’t get shitfaced, obviously. Of course, not. I’d simply have one tall whiskey to unwind and recharge my batteries, and then I’llcome back here without anyone ever being the wiser. Frankly, I don’t see how this brilliant plan could possibly fail.Unless someone takes a photo or video of you tonight and posts it for the world to see, dumbshit.

Fuck.

What are the odds of that happening, though? People don’t recognize me nearly as much, when I wear a hat, for some reason. So, I’ll wear a hat and keep to myself in the bar. And if I happen to get made, nobody will know, for sure, what’s in my glass. If shit hits the fan later, I could tell Aubrey and my counselor, Gina, I was drinking a simple Coke. As a matter of fact, I’ll order a Jack and Coke, which isn’t my usual drink, so it’ll look the part.

“Caleb?” Aubrey says, her head tilted and her eyes boring into me. “You okay?”

My mind made up, I force a casual smile. “Yeah, I’m great. I think I’ll head straight into a shower and to bed. It’s been a long, exciting day.”

“Sounds good to me,” Aubrey says. “I’m in the middle of a good book.”

As we start walking toward the house, my skin is buzzing and my heart pounding. I shouldn’t do it. My brain knows that. But the plan is foolproof, really. And I’ll be more relaxed tomorrow, if I do this, which will be better for everyone.

“You were great with Rainey today,” Aubrey says. “I’m really proud of you.”

Guilt rips through me. Adrenaline. Doubt. Maybe I shouldn’t go, after all.

“Thanks. Couldn’t have done it without you.”

I open the front door for Aubrey, and she steps inside the house.

“Keep it up,” she says. “As long as you remaincommitted to Raine and to your sobriety, I have complete faith everything will go your way at the hearing in a month.”

Fuck. Can she read my mind, or was it sheer coincidence Aubrey mentioned my sobriety at this precise moment?

“Well, goodnight, Caleb,” Aubrey says. As she says it, my gaze drifts to her lips. To the curve of her neck. To her tits. Frankly, I’d much rather stay here and fuck Aubrey all night, than embark on some kind of nefarious field trip. But I feel like I’ve got no choice, given the situation. I need to dosomethingto let off steam, and I’m gonna jerk my dick raw at this rate.

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