I stared at my coffee, watching the black liquid as I tapped the edge of the cup with my finger. “It’s not like I haven’t, you know…fucked since the divorce.”
“I know.” Rose wiggled her eyebrows. “You had that awesome one-night stand.”
I grinned and then shrugged. “Sex is one thing, but…I think I wantmore, but I’m also scared shitless of wantingmore.”
“I can only imagine.” Rose put her hands on mine with compassion. “So, this dance partner? Is he twenty-five and hung?”
I chuckled. “Since your marriage got all better, you’ve got a one-track mind, lady.”
“Sex is good for your health. At least, Gray thinks so.”
“I’m sure he does,” I teased. Then, because I hadn’t had nice, fun things to share with her for years, I smiled shyly and added, “His name is Marco Cabrera. He’s the CEO of MedSoft, an IT company.”
So, okay, yeah, I did a Google search and found out a few things about him.
“CEO? So, not twenty-five?”
“No. But he may be hung.”
We both burst out laughing.
I told her about seeing him with his daughters over the weekend.
“Speaking of kids, how are Willow and Jude?” I asked of Rose’s children. For a while there, Jude had taken cues from his father and disrespected his mother—but I knew he’d apologized for that, as had Willow, who had ignored her mother for several years.
Rose gushed about how well her kids were doing. “You know, they came and took care of me after Malou passed.”
Malou had been Rose’s closest and oldest friend. In fact, she’d inherited the B&B from her. Malou died earlier this yearfrom breast cancer. It had been hard for Rose to see her friend become a shell of the person she used to be—but her whole family had come together to take care of Malou. I wished I could get my children back. My heart hurt. The pain was so intense sometimes that I couldn’t move. I’d lost my babies, and it didn’t matter that they were older and had their own lives; the fact that they didn’t even call on my birthday, check in with me, or…return my calls and messages hurt hard.
“Any change with?—”
“No,” I cut her off. I didn’t want to talk about my kids. It would make me cry, and I was so tired of being sad all the fucking time.
“You like this Marco guy?” Rose changed the topic without question.
“He’s nice.”
“Nice?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, nice,” I repeated. “And funny. And I don’t know. It’s been so long since I even noticed a man likethat. But at the same time, I feel ridiculous. Like, who am I kidding? He’s probably not even interested.”
“Why would you say that?”
“He’s really handsome, and look at me.”
She frowned, setting her cappuccino down. “Iamlooking at you.”
“I’m old.” My voice cracked slightly, but I got it under control. “I’m in my mid-forties. My body’s not what it used to be. I’m carrying several extra pounds, and my face—God, I look tired all the time. Why would any man want me when there are younger, prettier women everywhere?”
Rose leaned forward, her elbows on the table, her gaze steady. “Leah.Stop.”
I swallowed hard and took a deep breath, trying to let all that negativity and self-loathing go…somehow make it vanish. But they had been my constant companions for years.
“Sometimes I want to kill Kevin,” she muttered. “He’s an asshole. He made you feel less about yourself. But you wereneverless. I admire you so much. You made your life yours—no matter how he treated you. And yes, his attacks on you left scars. But they don’t make you less. They make youmore. You’ve survived things that would have broken most people, and you’re still here. You’re strong, and you’re kind, and you’re more beautiful than you know. Any man who can’t see that isn’t worth a second of your time.”
“Laying it on a little thick, aren’t you, hon?” I joked, not wanting to dwell on the bad, and instead move on to the good. I was seeing Rose again after a long time. This was the moment I wanted to live in. Seeing her happy made my heart lighter.
She didn’t take the hint or rather decided not to let me off the hook. “Do you think I didn’t feel like that after I left Gray?” she went on. “There were days I looked in the mirror and thought, ‘This is it. This is all I am now—exhausted, old, worn out.’ But that wasn’t true, Leah. It wasn’t true for me, and it’s not true for you.”