Page 9 of Restorations

She’s just using him like she used me. Or is she lying? Is she in love with him and he won’t commit to her?

That I could definitely see. Sawyer is a hell of a lot like me. He never wanted a relationship, and then all of a sudden, he was Mr. Commitment?

I never bought that shit for a second.

Fuck!

I don’t care. I don’t want to fucking care.

I climb into the convertible that pulls up in front of Lola’s and smile at the pretty flight attendant from my flight from Kansas. I have no idea what she saw in me last night to be honest. I was clearly fucked-up on the whiskey I downed before my flight, but she couldn’t stop batting her eyelashes and flirting.

“Hey, handsome.”

“Hey.” It comes out gritty and curt, not flirtatious. I’m struggling as she pulls away from Lola’s, not seeming to care that I'm a moody motherfucker.

I want to dive into easy. Not complicated.

I want to look at the blond in the seat next to me with painted pink lips and a sundress and not see dark hair or the t-shirt and jean shorts Viv was wearing when she cornered me in my room with her “apology.”

I don’t want to see betrayal and fuckery.

I want to laugh, get laid, and fucking forget. “Where are we going?”

She hops on the highway. “I thought we could get something to eat. Maybe go to a club.”

Yawn. But I don’t say it. “Sounds good.”

How the fuck are Sawyer and Viv not dating? Is she fucking other guys? If Sawyer isn’t actually trying to be in a relationship, then I'm sure he’s fucking around.

That motherfucker doesn’t know the definition of monogamy.

“So . . . How’s your sister?”

I told her I was here visiting my sister. Not that I moved here. Not looking for anything more than tonight, and she seemed down for it.

“She’s good.”

She’s more than good. She’s so fucking happy. And I can’t hate Hayden. He makes her so damn happy and somehow fits into the whole fucked-up family effortlessly. Even if he lied about who he was at first.

That was some soap opera drama shit, but somehow, they work.

And when he punched me in the face twice at Penelope and Linc’s wedding, I liked him even more.

God, I just wanted the pain on the inside to stop. I wanted the sickening misery to dissipate even a little bit. That second punch did it.

For a second, I was focused on the physical pain and not the crippling emotional anguish that follows me fucking everywhere.

Pain from my brother dying way too young. From my family moving on and forgetting him. From Penelope and Linc marrying each other when it was always supposed to be Penelope and Colt. The crushing agony of Viv taking the last shred of family I had left across the country. Video chats and phone calls can never replace waking up and hanging out with Baz in the mornings, eating cereal and watching cartoons with him before school, eating dinner with him and hearing all about his day after school, going swimming and letting him “teach” me how to swim.

She took a full year of that away from me.

She made it seem like she did it so she could be with Sawyer when he got a job in California with Linc. She tore my heart in two, and for fucking what?

Because I didn’t want to marry her? Didn’t want us to become my parents?

My fingers dig into the denim covering my thighs as I struggle to lower my fucking heart rate.

“That’s good. I only have sisters, and they’re both bitches.”

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