Page 80 of Restorations

She nods her head as we dance at a distance. “Yes. If you actually can. If you have no questions in your heart. Yes. I’m happy to let you hate me forever, but I love you like a little brother. And always have.”

Goddamn it.

“Did you and Linc fuck when Colt was still alive?”

The question doesn’t faze her. It’s been there for years. I accused them of it long ago. I know what I saw on prom night.

“Yes.”

I don’t feel the anger I thought I would. Maybe because I already knew. “For how long?”

“Prom night was the first and only time while he was alive.”

My throat feels raw, and I hate talking about this shit. I hate thinking about it. I look over at Viv, who is dancing happily with Baz, and I know, in order to fully get to her, I need to put this shit to bed.

“Did he ever know?”

She shakes her head. “No. That night . . .” She has tears in her eyes, and even if she did cheat on my brother, I know she’s remorseful about it. And I can’t hate her, no matter how much I want to. “Asher, I don’t know what happened between me and Colt. I know we loved each other very much. I know I’m guilty of loving Linc too. But he . . .”

She looks desperate to find the right words, and I don’t want her to fear it. “Tell me. I’m a lot older now. I can handle it.”

“I never felt good enough for him. He was always striving to be the best. And no matter how hard I tried to get him to really, truly love me, there was something missing. Always. And prom night . . . we broke up. Or I thought we did. It doesn’t matter.”

“You broke up the night you fucked Linc?” She never felt good enough for him. I don’t think any of us ever did.

“We did. And then he apologized the next day, and everything got so screwed up. I don’t know. It just never felt right.”

“So he cheated on you. Butyoudidn’t cheat on him?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe because we were just so wrong for each other, it doesn’t matter. I loved him.”

“I know you did.”

She looks over at Viv and then back at me. “Make sure she knows how much you love her.”

“That, I actually can do.”

She kisses my cheek. “The details of the past don’t really matter. It only matters that we’re here now. That we tell Baz about Colt every chance we get, and we love each other hard until the day we die.”

“I agree.” She lets go of me, but I stop her quickly with my words. “I’m sorry I was so horrible to you.”

She shrugs. “Don’t stop being you. I like you just the way you are.” She says it in her best mocking, kindergarten voice, and I flip her off before I join Baz and Viv, happily dancing with them.

Because if Colt’s watching, I want him to see it. Because all the bullshit and the grief, the fuckups and sadness, it all led us here.

Back to each other.

42

VIVIENNE

Asher starts dancing with Baz and me after talking to Penelope, and I have to admit I was holding my breath the entire time. I was afraid he was going to explode, but he seems calm, like a weight has been lifted off him.

We dance to a fast song, throwing our hands up and having fun, but I have to ask, “Good talk?”

He smiles and nods his head. “Yeah. It’s weird. It feels good to know the whole story, I guess, but it doesn’t really change anything.” His smile doesn’t fade as he looks down at Baz. “And it changes everything all at once.”

“I’m glad you talked to her.”

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