Page 60 of Restorations

“Nothing?” He laughs, and it’s cruel as he moves closer to me, leaning down and looking into my eyes. “So, you didn’t spread your legs for him over and over? You didn’t lay naked with him in your bed and talk after he fucked you? None of that happened?”

He seemed so happy tonight at dinner, joking with Lincoln about detention. Everything seemed almost normal. Calm even. But with Asher, there’s always a storm brewing under the surface. He’s afraid to be too happy.

“You need to let that go.”

He looks shocked as he stares at me incredulously. “What?”

“You heard me.” I straighten my shoulders. “You need to let all of that go with Sawyer. You told us both you didn’t care about me that way. You said it was just sex with me, and you didn’t want a commitment. He didn’t believe you at first, but you convinced him and me when we stopped sleeping together.” I think about that time, about the ache inside me when I wanted so badly to try with him, but he told me he couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t do it. I was alone and broken. I wanted him so badly. “You moved on. You were going out and staying out overnight,and I was there. Alone. Afraid I was always going to feel that lonely, shattered and trying to keep it together on the surface.”

He’s looking at me intently, searching my face. “You seemed fine.”

“I’m a good actress.” I shrug. “I’m even good at fooling myself, but I was wrecked, Asher. I loved you. I hadn’t ever loved anyone.”

He shakes his head, running his fingers through his thick hair, looking pained. “You didn’t love me. It was?—”

I hold up one hand, refusing to let him lessen what I felt. What I feel. “No. It was love. I loved you, and you were moving on without me. You were distant, and I was alone. And Sawyer —”

“Was a replacement,” he finishes coldly.

“No.” I shake my head adamantly because I’m not letting him off this easy. “He was constant. You were distant. He came around to help and saw the sadness in me.”

“So, he took advantage of you.”

“No,” I argue yet again. “He comforted me. He was a true friend. And it just happened. We thought maybe it could work. Maybe, since the people we loved didn’t love us back, we were the perfect match. But we weren’t.”

He shakes his head, scoffing like I’m a naïve child. “You were a thrill for him. You don’t know him like I do.”

Now I cross my arms, but not to hide, to show triumph. “Then he got bored and moved on.”

“Didn’t look so bored with you when he was fucking you in the pool.”

My cheeks initially heat with humiliation, but I quickly recover, thinking about him telling me to own my shit. And he’s right. I did it. I wanted to do it. “He didn’t fuck me in the pool. He fucked me in my bed. He fingered me in the pool.”

His eyes register shock, but I stand tall. “Wow.”

“Don’t act so innocent. I remember your eyes on me, Asher. You were turned-on.” I drop my crossed arms and lean into him, placing my hands on his broad shoulders. “You wanted me just as badly as I wanted you.”

He almost smiles but catches himself. “You’ve gotten bold.”

“You made me that way.”

“I’m not going to become friends with Sawyer again.”

I shrug. “That’s up to you, but if you blame us, then you have to blame yourself too. Because we all messed up. And we all need to find a way to move forward.”

“Bring on the party, then.”

I smile and turn around, moving back to laundry.

Laundry, although annoying and ever rising, is safe and boring.

Asher is not.

29

ASHER

Halloween.

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