Page 50 of Restorations

He’s not. He’s clearly pissed-off, and of course, instead of just talking about it like a human being, he’s going to punish me. “You’re not.” I straighten my shoulders and place my phone on the coffee table.

Maybe he isn’t ready to handle things like adults, but I am. I’m not going to run away or scream at him. I’m certainly not going to sulk and pout like a hurt puppy.

“I don’t regret last night.” I keep my voice low, quickly glancing back toward Baz, seeing he’s still playing happily and look back to Asher. “But I don’t want Baz to know about any of this. Ever.”

“I don’t either.” He places his phone next to him on the couch and leans forward. “That’s why it can’t happen anymore.”

I shrug my shoulders slightly, brushing him off. “I didn’t say that.”

“Well I fucking did.” I don’t say anything, and he only gets angrier. “I mean it, Viv.”

“I’m not going to beg you to sleep with me, Asher, but I’ve grown. I’m different now.”

He rolls his eyes and slumps back against the couch. “No. You haven't.”

“How dare you tell me who I am.” I lean closer to him, but I keep my voice down. “I was naïve with you the first time, but I’m well aware now that you won’t ever want a relationship. I don’t even want that anymore.”

“Jesus Christ, Viv.” He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, gripping the ends. “You haven’t changed a bit.” He points furiously at me. “You knew full well the first time that I didn’t' want a relationship. You just ignored it.”

I fold my arms, angry that he’s right, and I don’t want to admit it. “It’s crystal clear now. It was foggy then.”

He leans forward again, his elbows on his knees. “What exactly was foggy about it? Me saying flat out I never wanted a relationship?”

Shit. He is so infuriating. But he’s also right.I search his eyes, feeling hurt sear through me because, looking at him, it’s clear he never had any real feelings for me. “Fine. I was stupid.” He raises an eyebrow with quiet curiosity. “I thought I could handle it, and then I fell hard for you. At least, I thought I did. And then you crushed me.”

“Which is all the reason never to fuck again,” he interrupts rudely.

My eyes hold his with a glare. “But I should thank you for it because I grew up. I was immature and stupid. I allowed my heart to be shattered by you. I thought I was in love, but I wasn’t.You were a friend. And Baz’s uncle, and seeing how good you are with him, it messed with my head when we added in sex.”

He stands up, walking over to sit next to me, our thighs almost touching. “So why do you want to do it again?”

I think it over for a moment, my head lowering, feeling ashamed and annoyed. So many other emotions flow through me before I lift my gaze again. “Because I’m different now. I’m not going to fall for you, Asher, and you can thank Sawyer for that.”

His teeth mash together. “Why the fuck would I thank that asshole for anything?”

“Because he’s good with Baz. He’s handsome. Smart. Funny. Employed.” I can tell he’s growing tired of the list of Sawyer’s attributes. “He checks all the same boxes that you did. The things every single mother should want, but I didn’t fall in love with him. Not at all. It was never serious.”

“So, you think because you can fuck Sawyer without catching feelings, it will be the same with me?”

I shrug. It makes sense to me. A part of me was broken when Asher didn’t return the love I thought I felt. Maybe I’ll never repair it. Or maybe the right person hasn’t come along yet.

“I do. It wasn’t right with you. And it wasn’t right with him. My prince charming clearly hasn’t arrived yet.”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “You want a prince, huh?”

I shake my head. “Right now,” I lower my voice again, “I’m just looking for an orgasm or two occasionally. Good friends. A job. And for my son to be happy. I have everything I need.” I lift my shoulders again even though I actually feel quite confident. “Maybe I’m my own prince.”

He studies me, still not believing me.

I stand up, needing to get dinner started soon. My voice is a whisper as I look down at him. “I’m not going to beg you to fuck me, but I’m not going to stop it either.”

He looks conflicted, his eyes swirling with uncertainty and bitter anger. “I won’t go through that shit again. I’m finally as close to happy as I can be, Viv. I can’t lose Baz again.”

I place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze gently, trying to reassure him. “I won’t ever separate you two again. You have my word, no matter what happens, that’s a mistake I won’t make again.”

“I have to stay away from you.” His deep voice is quiet as he says that almost to himself, making my heart squeeze tightly in my chest with guilt.

“You won’t lose him again.” His eyes lock on mine. “No matter what.”

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