Page 28 of Restorations

“How did you know it was Asher who left the hickey?” I’m not going into the fact that Sawyer added to it.

“I just had a feeling with him moving back in. I don’t think you two can stay away from each other.”

“We should.”

Her brow furrows. “Why’s that?”

Now I'm looking at her like she’s insane because she might just be. “Are you kidding? We’re toxic to each other.”

I shudder, thinking about Asher’s words this morning.

“Oh please.” I stare at her in amazement. “I spent so long thinking Linc was bad for me and I was bad for him, and it was only when we finally gave in that I found a sense of peace.”

My throat tightens. “We only bring each other chaos.”

She smiles at that and shakes her head like she knows something I don’t. “No, you don’t. I’ve seen the way you look at each other.”

“You mean with disdain and regret.”

She doesn't entertain that for a moment. “Love. It’s love.”

“Look, even Lola knows we don’t belong together, that we’re each other’s poison.”

Her shoulders shrug as she looks up at Lola’s house, the sun starting to set in the background. We were out a lot later than I expected, and I wonder if Baz is still up and running around or if Asher managed to get him to lie down.

“She’s hung up on her parents. And trust me, that was a shitshow, but you aren’t them. None of us are.”

“Asher doesn’t want a relationship. I tried. I wanted us to try, Penelope. He didn’t want to.”

“Asher’s a pussy.” My eyes widen when she meets my eyes. She said that so calmly. She laughs and shrugs again. “He’s a strong man, but he’s terrified of becoming their father. They all are. None of them realize how good they are.”

“I can’t force him to love me.”

She scoffs. “No force needed, it’s already there.”

It didn’t feel like love this morning. He wouldn’t even touch me. He wouldn’t look at me. Inside I'm screaming these things, but I don’t say anything.

“Viv.” I didn’t realize I had looked away and toward the house through the windshield of her car, so I turn back to her. “Don’t give up on him. He needs you.”

I sigh softly. “You’re smart, Penelope, but I think you have this one wrong. I’m not what he wants. I never was.”

“You’re exactly what he needs. He doesn't trust anyone. He’s angry and lost, but when he was with you . . .” Her eyes are watery, and I feel bad, knowing how she has taken the blame for so much that wasn’t her fault, especially when it comes to Asher. “It was like he got to breathe. You don’t deserve to be anyone’s emotional punching bag, but it’s like with you, he can be himself. And he was free for a moment in time.”

“I think he felt trapped.”

She shakes her head, her throat flexing with sadness. “He’s trapped in grief he’s never dealt with. I think you could help him with that if he would just let you.”

“We aren’t right for each other.”

“Only you two can decide that. But know I'm team Ash and Viv.”

I laugh, fighting back tears, knowing that’s impossible. “Thank you for today. I learned a lot.”

“No problem. You have class tomorrow?”

“In the evening. Yes.”

She smiles. “Soon you’ll be teaching me.”

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