Page 36 of There Are No Words

“Yeah, well, since when did a little winter weather bother anyone?” Okay, so even I knew there were a hundred things wrong with what I’d just said, but I was tired of being hot. And cold. And hot again. If this was what menopause was going to be like, then spare me, please.

Brady’s mouth opened like he was about to say something, but no words came out. His eyes roamed over my stomach, which was bare because my shirt had been pulled up with the hoodie.

I covered my skin and tucked loose hair behind my ear, trying to not look like such a mess. It didn’t change anything, though, because he didn’t avert his attention. “You can stop staring now,” I said, sincerely hoping he would.

Brady closed his mouth, wet his lips, and finally spoke—“When did that happen?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure, honestly. I guess it just did. Does that make sense?” I looked down and saw what he saw. What I’d noticed this morning when I looked in the mirror—I had a hint of a baby bump. It was nothing, really, but Brady seemed to be making a big deal out of it just the same.

He walked over and extended his arm but then stopped just before reaching my belly. “May I?” he asked.

I looked from his hand to his eyes. They were searching mine for consent. I nodded my agreement. Technically, it was my body, but it was his baby in there, too, so it seemed only right.

His warm hand rested gently, his fingers delicately following the curve of my stomach. This was the first time he’d expressed interest in touching my belly, and, if I was being honest, I didn’t think I’d care that much that he did. But his hand felt good, like it belonged there. I wanted to place my hand over his and fully be in the moment. It felt like giving myself a false sense of reality, though, so I didn’t do that. I didn’t move an inch.

He surprised me by bringing his other hand to my chin and lifting it up with the side of his thumb to urge me to look him straight in the eye. I did, and what I saw in his eyes scared me a little—desire I’d never seen from him before. “You’re beautiful,” Brady whispered in the quiet room.

What else was he going to say? Of course he had to say that. I was carrying his child and he couldn’t very well sayoh, hey, you’re growing round because of our baby. Good for you.

Feeling awkward, I cleared my throat and looked around, trying to peel my attention from him and this moment. “Is someone coming soon or did they forget about us?” I’d never hoped more than I did now that a door would open the door so I’d be put out of my misery.

The less time I’d spend alone with this man, the better off I would be.

Brady backed up, his hand falling from my belly, and I immediately wished I could go back in time and make a different decision. Geez, if I was smart at all, I would have grabbed him by the back of his neck and pushed his lips to mine. I wanted to touch him, to feel him, to be under him again.

But that was never going to happen because our situation wasn’t about love. It was what it was—an accidental pregnancy. Me making it out to be anything more would just be preposterous. And I would end up crushed. It wasn’t worth it.

“So we never actually talked about it,” Brady started, placing his hands in his pockets. “Do you want to find out the sex of the baby?”

I arched a brow and volleyed the question back to him—“Do you?”

He shrugged. “I never thought about it before, but yeah, I’d like to know. The book said there’s a remote possibility we could find out at this appointment.”

I cringed at the mention of that godforsaken book again, but decided to let it go. “I always imagined I’d want to be surprised. You know, have like a huge gender reveal party with my family and friends.”

“But now?”

“Now I think I’d like to know whether it’s a boy or girl.”

Just then, the technician came in and she must have overheard that last part because she asked, “Did I hear you two want to find out the sex?”

I peered over at Brady, and we both nodded. “Yes,” I answered on behalf of both of us.

“Perfect,” she replied as she got set up. “I’m just going to have you lie down for me and pull up your shirt so I can do the ultrasound. There’s no guarantee I’ll be able to predict it today, but I’ll try. Also, it’s important to remember it might not be accurate.”

I nodded and did as she asked, passing my hoodie to Brady. “Do you mind holding this?”

Brady nodded and took it from me, tossing it over his ripped arm.

Once I was all set, she brought the wand over to me and warned, “This might be a little cold.” I could use all the cold I could get, I thought to myself.

My body shuddered slightly at the touch and Brady reached down and grabbed my hand, holding it in his. The room was silent and I turned my head away from Brady to the monitor. No sound untillub-dub, lub-dub.

“That’s the sound of your baby’s heartbeat,” the woman explained to us. We had learned that last time, but hearing that sound never got old. I could listen to it all day long.

“Is everything okay?” Brady asked when she said nothing more.

She nodded. “Your baby looks perfectly healthy. And good news—the baby is in a good position to see which way the genital nub is pointing, so I’m going to have the doctor come in and let you know the sex.”

---