Page 7 of Sinful Mates

At the club, members, their names lost to me, tended to the rescued women crowding the club’s recreation room. Traumatized faces burned into my memory. Pain, I could strip away from their memories. Drained from transforming into my cow shifter, I didn’t have the energy for motorcycle clubs, bikers, even my men.

Amid the chaos, I felt invisible, like I didn’t just eradicate the threat to the club’s existence. Like I didn’t just save their goddamn asses. Resentment burned hot through my veins, and suddenly I understood how Slade felt when pushed to the brink. Alone and thankless, I swallowed a scream.

And just because dealing with that wasn’t enough, I had to face the music about betraying my mates and hiding another secret from them. Remorse and disgrace crowded my chest. I still felt Slade’s gaze dissect me, dark suspicion clouding his eyes, disappointment burning a hole on the bond. My mates deserved to know why I didn’t tell them about Mia. Worry spread like sludge in my gut at how they would take it. Just not yet. When I was ready. When I had the energy to confront the issue.

In the front seat of Zethan’s van, I sucked in long breaths to stop from bursting into tears. Not here. Not in front of Mia. I had to stay strong for her.

Zethan’s fingers wrapped around mine, reminding me of the pain from sitting so close to him. “Talk to me, baby.”

My rock, savior, love. Adoration and love pounded at my chest, held captive by my darkness. My heart mended and broke at the same time.

No, I didn’t want to talk. Scream. Go crazy. Throw shit. Lose it. Time and space to work through all my shit. Unresolved threads requiring securing or cutting loose. Everything I wanted to say wasn’t suitable for certain ears. Apathy brewed in my chest, licking at the edges of my compassion.

My pulse stilled, and I sawed my bottom lip between my teeth. “I need a beer or ten.” I lolled my head to look at him.

He lifted his arm to trace the outside of his hand along my cheek. “Same.”

We each felt as shitty as the other, only this time, there wouldn’t be any more washing away our sorrows with alcohol.

I searched for Zethan’s bond but barely touched it, darkness dulling our connection. Same deal with my three other mates. I felt the hint of them in my chest. Something snapped between us when I killed Danny. My humanity? I broke my oath to heal and do no harm. Something darker in me released. Ancient and wrathful, coiling around my heart and sinking its thorns into me, promising to deliver a reckoning like no other.

Zethan pulled his van into a parking lot I hadn’t noticed us enter.

“Where are we?” I murmured, blinking, trying to get my bearings in the cramped darkness.

“The mall.” Zethan opened his door and hopped out, turning to me. “Mia needs clothes and necessary items.”

Thank the goddess for him. I wasn’t thinking straight. Fuck. I had to pull it together and be the mother she needed.

“C’mon, darlin’.” Zethan got my daughter out of the backseat. “Your mom forgot to pack you some clothes so we’re going to buy you new ones.” Every word sliced as if the thorny vine around my heart slid up into my throat. Liar. Fuck, we were off to a running start built on a bed of lies.

“Where’d my mom and dad go?” Mia’s voice trembled.

My gift told me my amnesiac barrier wouldn’t hold forever. Soon it would burst, her memories crashing back with it, the horror of what she witnessed scarring her sweet little mind. I had to do whatever I could to stop that. Draw out her memories the way I started to for Alaric before he stopped me.

I came around the back of the car to cup her small face. All valid questions. None I had answers for, only lies.

“They had to leave quick for a family emergency and they brought you to stay with us.” I swallowed down the thorns shredding my throat. “You’re staying with us until they return.”

“Why’d they leave without saying goodbye? Why couldn’t I go with them? Why couldn't I stay with Aunty Jan?” Questions came at lightning speed.

Fuck, she was so smart and perceptive. A quality she inherited from me. The flicker of warmth in my chest went out like a pilot light deprived of gas.

“Don’t you want to stay with your real mom?” Zethan interrupted her line of questions, standing between us, taking her hand, then mine, leading us down the aisles of cars to the mall’s entrance.

“Y… yes.” Mia worked her lip between her teeth.

Zethan swung her arm, encouraging her to skip with him. “Think of this as a fun holiday.”

Mia perked up with brighter eyes. “Can I stay up late and eat whatever I want?”

I went to say no, but Zethan smiled and said, “Sure.”

Ugh. Men. Mates. Reminded of Slade’s cautioning, I didn’t argue with him in front of her. Later, though, we’d set some ground rules. Household rules since we roomed with Slade. Behavior, manners, routines, and respect for others and their property. Most importantly, safety, just in case our enemies showed up on our doorstep.

Inside Kmart, I carried a basket and scanned the racks of clothes. “What size are you?” Guilt hacked at my heart that I had no idea about something so simple that a mother knew about her child.

“Size eight.” Mia was already picking out shirts and pants, mumbling about what she liked and didn’t.

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