Page 29 of Anastasia

“Nana, I missed you so much. I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! Please, don’t hate me. You are all I have left,” she sobbed. Pulling her against me, I didn’t know what to say or do. I just cradled her in my arms, attempting to warm her from the freezing weather.

“Can you stand up?” I asked. She nodded her head before grasping my hand. I got her up and assisted her to my car. When she was slumped against the passenger seat with her seatbelt spread across her body, I got into the driver’s side.

“I need help. I’m ready to get help. I’ll do anything to be a better mother for you, okay? I’m fucked up, Anastasia. I thought I could get better when I brought you and Alex here away from your dad, but he is always here!” she exclaimed. I started up my car and spared her a sad glance before driving off toward her apartment.

“You never told me what he did to you,” I said softly. There was a tug on my heart when the entire atmosphere in the car shifted. My mother didn’t respond immediately, almost as if she were taking the time to open permanently sealed doors.

“I went to high school with him. Believe it or not, I was not the type to socialize. My head was always in a book and I learned to be happy with the words I found there,” she reminisced. “I met him one night at a party where he got me drunk, and the last thing I remembered was him dragging me up the steps. When I woke up, he was on top of me.”

My eyes began to water but I shook it away. I never knew she had to go through so much. It pained me to know that she was living with such trauma and I never had a single clue.How could I have been so blind?

“The next day at school, he pretended as if he hadn’t done a thing. I tried to tell my mom, but she wouldn’t believe me. When I got pregnant, she thought I wasn’t worthy of being her daughter. She kicked me out and I had to go from empty house to empty house all on my own,” she sniffled. “Years later, I met Alex’s dad and he was everything I wanted. He was so kind, and he treated me better than anyone I had ever met. I don’t know what happened, but one night, he just left.”

Tears dripped down my cheeks, but I continued to drive. Just like life, I had to fight through the tears so I could make it home.

Anastasia

“Good morning!” I chirped. “I made you some breakfast.”

I was carrying a tray full of food that I had prepared for my mother. It was finally the day everything would change in a positive way for once. My mother had finally accepted that she needed help. That was the first step to recovery, and today would be the next since she would officially be going to rehab.

Her eyes were still shut, and the blanket was slightly pulled down, resting at her waist. Sitting the tray of food down on the nightstand, I began to shake her until her body began to shake wildly of its own accord.

“Mum!” I shouted frightenedly.

She just wouldn’t stop and I quickly realized that she was having a seizure. After moving her onto her side, I grabbed my phone and frantically dialed 911. My hands were shaking as I spoke to the operator. The lady was speaking but it sounded like gibberish as I I was trying my best not to panic because I knew she needed me to be strong. As we waited for an ambulance to arrive, my mother’s seizure finally stopped. She still remained unresponsive, and her heartbeat was faint. I held her against my chest, rocking her back and forth, hoping she wouldn’t die on me.

Moments later, the ambulance arrived. They must’ve only taken minutes, but to me, it felt like hours. Every minute that they took, my mother’s heartbeat grew weaker. They quickly placed my mum’s almost lifeless body onto a stretcher before rolling her into the truck. I tried hard to bite back my tears; I prayed to whoever would listen that my mother was okay.

I couldn’t lose her too. I would be without anyone in the world, and I just couldn’t let that be. I’d rather have a mother who behaved like a child than a world full of darkness and no one to hold my hand through it all.

I followed closely behind the ambulance all the way to the same hospital where I shared my last moments with my sister.

“Hi, I’m here for Olivia Smith,” I immediately said, walking up to the receptionist’s desk.

She made me write down my name before telling me to wait in the seating area. Smiling at her, I turned and sat down in a chair. I was tapping my foot against the tile flooring as I patiently waited.

When I came to the realization that it was the same chair I had sat in while they gave me the news of Alex’s passing, I shook my head and moved to the seat across.

Moments later, Dr. Flores walked in with a nurse, who was writing things down. His eyes met mine and then he went to tell her something before she nodded her head and walked off. I was praying to whoever would listen that he would just walk away.

Of course, with my terrible luck, he sat down in the chair right beside me instead. My cheeks were a tint of pink as I nervously glanced over at him.

“Anastasia, what brings you here?” he asked.

I turned to look at him and exhaled a long breath that I didn’t know I was holding. The whole situation was awkward. He was acting as if he hadn’t just practically seen me naked at the strip club.

“My mum had a seizure,” I answered honestly.

He nodded his head slowly before a sad look made its way onto his face. I was sure that in his head, he was thinking about how fucked up my life must’ve been.

“Don’t judge me, okay? I don’t need your pity for my stripping, my sister, or my mother. I’m fine,” I said, running my hand through my hair and crossing one leg over the other.

He didn’t say anything, which took me by surprise. When I glanced over at him, he was just looking up at the television broadcasting the news channel.

“That’s where you’re wrong. I only pity you for the fact that you pity yourself. I’d have to say you are the strongest woman I’ve ever met, yet you’re here with your head held down as if the strongest warriors don’t face the biggest challenges,” he said.

I couldn’t say anything as I just stared at him. He seemed like such a great man, but I had been so cruel to him at the club.

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