Page 21 of Anastasia

“Ten,” she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek. It broke me to hear that, and based on the glance that the doctor had given me—he could see it on my face. Instead of dwelling in sadness like me, he gave her a small smile before nodding his head.

“Okay, I’ll get the nurse to bring you some more pain medication. Hang in there,” he told her. Using his fingers, he signaled for me to walk outside the room with him. I hugged myself as I accompanied him just before sparing one last look at Alex to see that her eyes were shutting.

“She looks so weak,” I announced sadly the minute we had exited the room.

“All of the chemo, the surgery, and the radiation are beginning to really take a toll on her body,” he explained. I couldn’t help but frown at his words. My eyes wandered over to my little sister through the small window on the door.

“It’s true, isn’t it? That the treatment for cancer feels worse than the cancer itself?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer. For some reason, I couldn’t tear my eyes off of the beautiful young girl who seemed wiser than us all.

“Yes, that can be true,” he answered.

“The treatment isn’t even going to take the cancer away. It has spread too much to the point of no return. You’re only prolonging her life now, am I right?” I asked, trying to hold back the tears. It felt like something was clawing on the inside of my throat just trying to get out.

“Anastasia, what she needs right now is someone who believes in her. Just stick by her side and help her fight this cancer as much as you can. I know it must suck hearing this from me, but she’s channeling your strength. I still remember the day she told me that you were the person she looked up to because you stayed so strong for everyone else. Stay strong,” he told me. I quickly wiped away a stray tear before nodding my head at his words. I still felt like I was drowning, trying to get to the surface, but no matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t. There were no words I could say that would make anything better.

“The nurse will arrive shortly with her medicine.” He nodded just before walking off. I turned back into the room and sunk down on the chair. It sucked that I didn’t need a mirror to know that I had bags under my eyes, and they were bloodshot. All I could do was stare at her and keep watching her heart monitor.

“Stop looking at that thing, sis.” She chuckled. I smiled down at her before nodding. The doctor said I needed to be strong, so that was exactly what I planned to do.

“The pain medicine should be arriving any minute now,” I told her, followed by a wink.

“I know you think I call you yellow things because of your blonde hair, Nana. That’s not it at all. I call you yellow objects to remind you of your spirit. Your spirit is soyellow, it’s like the light at the end of the tunnel. You give hope, and you attract the darkness by turning them into their best possible selves. You are so yellow—full of intellect, beauty, and positivity. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. Thank you for being like the sun after rain, the way it beams on every piece of land—you love every part of everyone just the same,” she whispered.

“Stop talking like that,” I reminded her. She nodded her head again without saying another word.

I just needed her heart to continue to beat. My breathing seemed to calm me by listening to hers. There was a Doyle attached to her nose that assisted with getting oxygen into her system. Every long breath that she took soothed me. Every beat of her heart calmed me. It was like I was listening to the waves of the beach while my favorite song played on a radio beside me.

Sliding the chair closer to her, I grabbed a hold of her hand. I planted about a million kisses against it.

My palm went up to her beautiful face to memorize every single detail. From the cute little nose she had to her plump lips. I even smiled a little at the scar she had on her cheek from the time we were playing hide-and-go-seek and she fell off a tree.

Before I knew it, my eyes were shutting on their own as sleep overcame me.

* * *

“Get the cart! Hurry!”I heard someone shout. I repeatedly blinked to get the blurriness out of my eyes. When I opened my eyes to see a ton of doctors and nurses inside of the room, the confusion was clear on my expression as they rushed and ran, trying to grab supplies.

“W-what’s going on?” I questioned, rubbing my eyelids with the back of my hand. My heart was pounding in my chest for some reason, and I couldn’t figure out why. Slowly, my gaze traveled over to my sister’s heart monitor only to see that it had stilled. My lips parted as tears filled my eyes. I could no longer hear any words. All I could see was the lifeless face of my little sister. Just moments ago, she was fine. Alex was speaking to me, telling me that she would fight for me. Now, as I looked at the line showing on her heart monitor, my world crashed right in front of me.

“Alex?” I asked, already missing the smile that would come across her face.

A nurse appeared right in front of me. She was wearing a mask to cover the bottom portion of her face, but I knew she was shouting words at me. All of her words were blocked from my eyes as my focus remained on Alexandria.

The nurse began to softly push me toward the door as I let out scream after scream, choking on my own tears. “Alexandria! Alex! Alex, wake up! Please, I need you!” I sobbed. “I’m sorry, Alex! I should have been a better sister! I shouldn’t have let your cancer get so bad. I should’ve known you were hurting. I’ll be better, Alex! I promise! Please don’t leave me here! I can’t be alive without you!”

The defibrillator finally began to flood my ears as everyone moved away from her except for a doctor who held the paddles against her body. “Clear!”

“Please, ma’am, you have to leave the room,” she told me. I shook my head and pushed her out of the way before sprinting over to Alex. I knew she could hear me. I knew that she would never give up on me.

“I need you! You promised you would fight, Alex! You promised! I can’t do this without you, please, just wake up for me! We will take care of Mum together, and we can still grow old together! Alex! Alex, please!”

I began to shake her. Her head just rolled.

As I began to notice her lifelessness I allowed myself to get pushed out of the room. My eyes remained on her as the doctors and nurses tried to get her to wake up..

“Alex,” I whispered.

* * *

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