Page 73 of Beautiful Thing

“Sorry…” I mutter quietly and I try to compose myself.

With an unreadable expression on his face, Archer simply returns his attention to his puzzle book.

Is he as nervous as I am? Or is he just wondering when I’m going to go away and leave him to his solitude? My usual insecurities raise their stupid heads.

A feeling of discomfort slips under my skin. A feeling of doubting whether he actually wants me around or if he’s just too polite to tell me to leave.

Just the other night, Archer basically made me an ultimatum. He admitted to being attracted to me, all whileexplaining that he’s not willing to get physical without a commitment.

A commitment! What normal, red-blooded man has ever uttered those words out loud? And with a straight face, too?!

That should be music to anynormalwoman’s ears. But I guess I’m anything but normal. Because I still have my ex’s voice ringing loudly in my head, reminding me that I’m just flat out unloveable. That nobody will ever truly want me.

If I commit, Archer’s just going to change his mind once he gets to know me at my core. And then I’ll be the one who gets hurt.

This whole thing is messing with my head.

Suddenly, I feel the need to taint the silence with words. “Can I ask you a question…?” My voice cracks the quiet air.

His lips quirk subtly. “We both know you’re going to ask your question whether I want you to or not.”

I roll my eyes and carry on. “How’d you get so comfortable being alone?”

His jaw ticks but he says nothing, head down and scribbling into his crossword puzzle.

Sucking up my nerves, I plow onward. “Kathryn…Does it have anything to do with Kathryn?”

Saying his ex-girlfriend’s name feels like throwing a grenade into the silence. But my curiosity is getting the best of me.

Unplanned words rush out of my mouth. “Why did you two break up? To me, it seemed like you two were the perfect couple. That you were going to get married and have babies and live this perfect life. I was a kid, so maybe I got it all wrong. But I’ve sort of wondered about it. About why you broke up.”

A pained look slashes across Archer’s forehead. But in a second, it’s gone. He huffs out a breath, not looking up. “You really are a nosy girl. You know that?”

I exhale harshly. “I’m not nosy. It’s just that…It’s just that, when it comes to you…” I cut myself off before I completethatthought.

He looks up now, one bushy eyebrow hiking toward his hairline, clearly interested in how I’m going to stick my foot in my mouth. “What about me?”

I want to know every damn thing there is to know about you.I’m lucky enough to catch those words before they slip out.

“I’m just curious,” I say instead.

Now, one corner of his mouth curls into a smirk. He taps his puzzle book with the end of his pen before picking up his thesaurus. “Hmm…Synonym for ‘curious’. Four letters. Starts with an ‘N’. Ends with a ‘Y’. There’s an ‘O’ and an ‘S’ somewhere in there, too.”

A laugh puffs out of my chest. “I never knew you were this annoying.”

“Well, there you go.” He throws a hand out at his side. “You just learned something new about me.”

Despite myself, I laugh again.

I give him a second, waiting to see if he’ll give me something, anything. But he doesn’t. I should probably leave him alone, but I just can’t help myself.

“Y’know, you claim that you want a commitment, yet I can barely get a sentence out of you. What exactly do you want me to commit to if we don’t even know each other?”

Shit. Maybe that was a bit harsh, too direct. But maybe Archer’s just interested in the idea of commitment, not with the reality of me.

Silence reigns once more and I give up. I’m not going to get a conversation out of this man tonight. Especially not on this particular subject. I might as well go back to my bed and take another shot at falling asleep.

“I’ll stop bothering you,” I whisper, hanging my head in resignation. “Have a good night, Archer.”

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