Page 70 of Beautiful Thing

“My problem is our relationship is fake!” I hiss forcefully, my pent-up emotions bursting out. I’m struggling to come to grips with this mess I’ve gotten myself into.

Nolan’s eyebrow shoots upward. “Come again…”

I start spilling my guts. “The relationship’s fake. When Razor kicked her out, we agreed that she could stay at my house for ninety days until she could find a place of her own. But then, at family dinner, Mom and Grandma started pressuring me about not having a wedding date and Layla felt sorry for me. That’s why she blurted out that we’d be going together. I realized how convenient it would be to have her playing the part of my fake girlfriend. So we agreed to keep the ruse going.” I grunt roughly.

“What the fuck…?” My brother’s jaw hangs open.

“The only reason Layla and I started this whole thing is so that people would stop harassing me about being single. But now, the clock is counting down and there’s an expiration date on my calendar staring at me and every day I wake up dreading the day that I’ll be out of time and Layla will be gone from my life.” I turn to him, feeling my forehead all scrunched up. “The even bigger problem is, I’m in love with her.”

The ache that rips through my chest when I finally say it out loud is almost enough to tear me in two.

I’m in love with Layla.

Slipped-on-the-ice-hit-my-head-on-the-wall-and-rolled-down-a-flight-of-stairs in love with her.

And I love Sky, too. I’d do anything in the world for that kid.

But admitting it to myself doesn’t make me feel any better. Admitting it to myself gives me full-blown anxiety. Because they don’t belong to me. Razor has seniority here.

“I’m in love with her and with Sky and with this life we have together. And I have no freaking clue how I’m going to go back to normal in sixty-something days from now when she eventually leaves my house.”

My brother collapses against the side of my truck. “Oh,” he says unhelpfully.

“That’s all you’ve got to say? Don’t you have some advice or something?”

More silence.

“No. Seriously, fucker. I feel like this is the most honest I have ever been about Layla in my whole fucking life. You don’t get to just say ‘oh’, and leave it at that!”

I don’t know why I’m taking my frustration out on him. He’s not the one who got me in this mess to begin with. All I know is, this rock of guilt and regret on my chest is suffocating me.

He stands there with a dumb look on his face, like he’s confused. “Well, why the fuck can’t you just make the relationship real?” he asks simplistically. “Instead of standing over here, crashing out, tell the girl you want to make your relationship real.”

“I did. I told her.” Sort of.

“And what did she say?” my brother asks.

I exhale roughly, shaking my head. “Nothing. She said nothing. In all fairness, I walked away before she had the chance to speak. It was an emotionally loaded moment. I needed to give her some breathing room.”

“Where do you think she stands?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. She’s got ties to a piece of shit man. What if Layla’s still in love with him? What if he’s still there at the back of her mind?” I spit out. “I can’t be in another love triangle. Not after what happened with Kathryn.”

Nolan sighs roughly. “I get that it’s scary, bro. Yes, love is a gamble. But it’s a gamble worth taking. Only you decide if you let your fear win.”

“Stop trying to make it sound so simple.” I kick at a rock peeking through the snow on the ground.

“Look, I may not be the best at giving advice,” he huffs out. “But I do have a reality check for you.” He reaches out and gives my shoulder a rough shake. “She loves you, too, dimwit.” He turns and starts strolling in the direction of the house.

“Fuck. You really think so?” I follow after him, my voice is high-pitched and desperate and vulnerable. Sort of like when I’d just hit puberty almost three decades ago.

Nolan rolls his eyes. “Yes. Duh. Isn’t it obvious?” He slaps his forehead in frustration. “The girl has been into you for a long-ass time. So instead of seeing the date circled on your calendar as a countdown to Layla leaving, you could view it as a timeframe for finally sealing the deal.”

I roll the scenario around in my mind, daring to imagine my life with Layla. Could we be happy? Could things turn out differently for her and me? Or am I setting myself up for yet another shitstorm of the heart? I don’t fucking know.

“Jeez-sus! I can’t even believe you’re forcing me to have this conversation.” Nolan’s stomach lets out a monstrous growl and clearly, he’s ready to be done with this brotherly chitchat. “Grow some balls and get your shit together, Archer…before I drag Ronan into this.”

I shudder all over. The last thing I want is to get the hopeless romantic of the family involved. Hell no.

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