I shake my head. “How do I know that it’s for real? That he’s not just…confused?”
My friend sighs deeply. “I guess I understand what it’s like doubting your worth, but at some point, you just have to pretend like you’re an actress.”
I laugh. “What?”
“Pretend that you’re the main character of your life, like you’re on stage in a play. That means, you have to start being your own biggest fan even whenboosare coming from the audience.”
Inez grew up in the foster care system. I won’t pretend to understand how that shapes a person’s self-esteem. But now she’s in a healthy relationship, she’s building a family, she hasher dream life. She pulled it together. I want desperately to do the same.
She’s quiet for a while then she goes on. “I had to learn to let myself be loved. Slowly at first. Nolan and I took our time. We got to know each other. And I just…let him love me. It took a while to get used to the feeling, after being trained to expect rejection my entire life, it took a while to fully absorb love. But now, loving him and letting him love me feels natural.”
A tremor moves through me. All of this is so foreign that I feel like I might break out in hives.
Inez notices my apprehension and she gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t have to rush into anything. Just take your time. Get to know him.Reallyget to know him. See if you can trust him. And then make an informed decision from there.”
29
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“This is a really great mattress. You sure you want to throw it away? Maybe you should consider donating it.” I inspect the king-sized memory foam leaned against the outside of Nolan’s shed.
We’ve secured all of Layla’s new furniture in the back of my truck. Now, we’re just figuring out what to do with a few odds and ends so we can finally go inside to eat.
My younger brother makes a face, grabbing my arm as I’m about to tug off one corner of the fitted sheet. “I can’t donate the mattress. I’d rather not have to explain the source of those big wet stains to the heads of our local charity organizations.”
Blech!I think I’m about to hurl.
Nolan chuckles, looking a little too proud of himself. “You know the old saying—if you and your woman haven’t ruined a mattress or two, you’re not doing it right.”
“Too much information, dickhead.” I wipe sweat from my forehead and reach for my water bottle that’s sitting on the hood of my truck.
Nolan thinks he’s so funny these days. I guess that’s the effect Inez has on him. Before the two of them got together, he (andDarius) used to give me a run for my title as the grumpiest Brighton brother. But these days, he’s Mr. Happy, it seems.
He eyeballs me challengingly. “Oh, come on. I’m sure you andBelleunderstand what that’s like.”
He’s fishing. From the way he’s been looking at Layla and me all evening, I know my brother suspects that something is up with our relationship. Now he’s fishing for information. I’m not sure I want to admit to anything, so I try to change the subject.
“Would you fucking stop calling my girlfriend ‘Belle’?” That nickname is for me and me only.
“You can’t stop me,” my annoying brother taunts, cracking open his own water bottle and taking a long chug. “I specifically remember you giving me a hard time when I was coming to terms with my feelings for Inez. Now, I happily get to return the favor.”
“That was different,” I say, having a hard time keeping my annoyance under control.
“How?” the little shit challenges me.
“I don’t know. It just was,” I grumble, my face hot.
“Thanks for being so specific.” He hawks.
See? Dickhead.
Feeling defeated, I drop my elbows against my tailgate and drop my head in defeat. “All of this is so fucked up.”
Nolan finally grows serious, coming to lean against the truck beside me. “I get it. Love is terrifying. But Layla is a good woman so you’ve already aced step one.”
“Layla being a good woman is not the problem,” I mumble, tearing off my moving gloves and scrubbing a hand down my face.
Nolan glances over at me. “Bro, what the hell is going on? Should I be worried? You’re acting weird as fuck. What is your problem?”