Page 120 of Beautiful Thing

My grinning lips meet his grinning lips for a quick, non-germ-spreading (I hope) peck.

And Archer starts confessing. “Fine. I figured you were tired of eating chicken soup all week and wanted a meal that would make you feel better. I remembered you said that tacos are your favorite food. I tried looking up recipes online, but that shit is complicated to make. So I called up my little sister. Honestly, it didn’t take much begging because Karli has as big of a crush on you as I do.”

I laugh. “Thank you, lover man.” I kiss his cheek.

Grinning along, Sky follows suit. “Ta-kou!”

Side by side, the three of us get started on dinner. Well, Sky starts out eager to help with the pouring and stirring, but he quickly gets bored and disappears into the living room.

I put on the TV for my son and we have music playing on the surround sound in the kitchen. I hum and dance as we work and Archer can’t seem to keep his hands off me. He’s dropping kisses on my cheek and brushing my hair from my eyes and rubbing up against my ass.

Just a few minutes after Sky disappeared, we hear heavy feet dragging down the hallway.

Our heads are both twisting to see what the commotion is about. We find Sky plodding into the kitchen. Archer fights back a grin when we see that Sky is wearing his heavy work boots and his big plaid flannel shirt. My child comes wobbling forward, looking so proud of himself.

The giant shoes and clothes swallow up his tiny body. Somehow, he’s even holding a piece of cilantro over his top lip, like a makeshift mustache.

Sky beams up at us, flashing his teeth.“Look me! Look me!”

Archer and I break into laughter.

“Sky!” I scold. “You should be watching TV! Not sneaking into Mr. Mustache’s room and going through his things!”

Still, Archer chuckles. He swoops in, scooping up the little troublemaker and ruffling his hair.

I can’t help myself as I pick up my phone and start snapping pictures of the absurdly-adorable pair, in their matching outfits.

Archer leans over, pulling me into the shot, so I can get a selfie of all three of us. Together.

I beam at the camera screen, my stomach tightening at the view of us together. We look like a…family. It’s then that I realize how much I wish that we were. At first, it doesn’t freak me out like it should.

Obviously, I’m madly in love with this guy. But then I look at the enamored expression on Sky’s face. He loves Archer. So very much.

And suddenly, everything feels…different. In a way that makes me uncomfortable.

After we take way too many pictures, and Archer asks me to send them all to him, we eat a quick dinner at the table. By the time we’ve finished up, it’s getting late. I leave to put Sky to bed while Archer cleans up.

My desire for Sky to have a man—a father—in his life is something that keeps me up at night. Other than a few brief moments after Sky was born, when the notion of having a baby was fresh and new to Razor, he’s never really been a dad to our son.

No cuddles in the early mornings.No hurried trips to pick up extra diapers when we’d run out in the middle of the night. No reading stories, cutting up grapes, or watching cartoons together. Since the day Sky was born, I’ve been doing it on my own. At least that’s what it feels like.

But Archer, he does all the things a dad would do.All on his own, without being asked to.

My heart squeezes, but this time it’s not in a good way. A nauseating feeling begins creeping up on me, climbing up my throat. It’s so easy to forget that all of this is fake. And temporary. But I can’t let myself forget that. None of this is what it appears to be.

Sky is becoming too attached to Archer.And as sweet as it is, it terrifies me.

I’m disappointed with myself for being so careless. I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner, because it’s so obvious now. But I’ve been so caught up in bending rules with Archer that I didn’t realize this was happening.Sky is starting to see this man as some kind of father figure. I was so concerned with juggling how this arrangement could hurt Archer and me, but I didn’t put enough stock into how it could hurt my son.

Sky is my world. His mental health and overall wellbeing are my priority. I can’t make choices that jeopardize that.

No one has ever protected me. But I have to do better for Sky. I can’t let my baby boy get hurt. I can’t let that happen.It’s about time I start acting like a grown up here.

As much as I’m enjoying this thing with Archer, it has to end.

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ARCHER

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