Page 14 of Destroying Everleigh

She didn’t even have to finish that sentence. I knew what she was trying to say. “Goddamn,” I growled in a low tone. “I want you so bad.”

She huffed a laugh and glanced away, her nerves getting the better of her. But it didn’t matter. Eventually, I would have her. She just needed to say yes. I could be patient. For her, there was no alternative. If she made me wait a year, or even two, that was fine.

Anything for her.

CHAPTER FIVE

Everleigh

Britton - To My Younger Self

Rage pulsed through me as I pulled into my driveway, my gaze lingering on the rundown house we were forced into a couple years ago. Even from the outside, you could tell it was in horrible condition. The exterior was painted an ugly off-white color with chips of paint and wood flaking from a variety of places. The yard was overgrown with grass and weeds, preventing you from seeing the ground beneath. But that was another thing on my plate that I simply didn’t have time for. Today was one of my only days off, meaning I’d spend it giving Emma a bath and making sure Tate bathed, too. They probably had homework, and I promised to take them out for ice cream. Then, I’d need to clean the house as much as possible while cooking for my family and making sure Mom was doing okay in between. Briley helped sometimes, but she also complained a lot when I did ask. Sometimes, it was easier to just do it on my own.

My nose still throbbed from when Ash kicked the ball at my face, hurt puncturing through my chest at the audacity. I knewwhat I did was fucked on so many levels, but that was a low blow, and he knew it, too.

“Everything okay?” Briley asked from beside me, worry twisting her features.

I swallowed thickly, refusing to break down in front of them. If I wasn’t strong, they’d feed off it, and they didn’t need to worry about me anyways. Even if Briley had been there to see what had happened.

“I want ice cream!” Emma squealed from the backseat, refusing to forget—not that I would have backtracked on it anyways.

Sighing, I leaned against my seat and nodded. “Fine. Let me just check on Mom first and then we’ll go.”

Emma objected, but I was already climbing out of the vehicle, slamming the door behind me. Checking on Mom was a front. I knew she was okay, having just called her half an hour ago. I just needed some time to myself for a minute. Tears stung my eyes as I walked through the long grass, moving toward the porch.

Slipping inside, the scent of mold attacked my senses, making my throat tighten with disgust. The house wasn’t in good condition when we moved here, but it’s only gotten worse since.

The floorboards creaked beneath my feet; the wood streaked with unknown substances. As soon as I made it to my room, I pulled the door closed behind me and leaned against it. My chest was coiled tight with guilt and hurt as I thought back to our scrimmage earlier.

The look of pure rage on Ashton’s face was imprinted into my mind. The accusation and pain flickering within his gray eyes. He hated me. While we’d been away from each other all this time, I thought maybe he’d gotten over it and didn’t hate me as much as he did the last time we’d been face to face. Clearly, that had been wishful thinking.

A part of me would always love him, always have regrets for how things ended between us. There was no changing the past. I couldn’t erase the damage that had been done on my part, and he’d never be able to trust me or forgive me. We just needed to move on. There was no sense in the hostility. It wouldn’t change anything.

My eyes fluttered closed as the first tear rolled down my cheek, warming the sensitive skin there.

“You’re nothing but a fucking whore, Everleigh.”

And I believed it, too. Even if I didn’t remember how things ended up the way they did, even if I thought it had beenhimsliding inside of me, I believed it. Because regardless of the reasoning behind it, there was no justifying my actions, so I didn’t even try. I was the one who went to his house that day. I was the one who apparently drank so much I blacked out, even if I only remembered the one drink that had been given to me. I made a stupid mistake that day, and there was no taking it back.

I sniffled as more tears forced their way from my eyes, my heart caving in with the reminder of how badly I’d messed up. None of it mattered anymore, though. I had Lucas, and he was safe. He treated me well most of the time and was kind to my family. Sex wasn’t bad between us, but not mind-blowing either, but I could live with that.

I’d just go to school tomorrow with my mask perfectly in place. I wouldn’t let Ash see how much I was bothered, or how my heart still slammed against my chest at seeing him again. I could only live with guilt for so long, and for so long, I’d let it consume me. Not anymore, though. What’s done is done. I deserved to have a life, too.

Sighing, I walked over to the mirror propped against my wall and wiped the remnants of my tears away, taking some mascara with it. After a few more attempts, the only sign that I’d been inemotional distress were my glassy eyes and red nose. But there wasn’t much I could do about that.

Striding over to my bedside table, I opened the top drawer and pulled out the Folgers coffee container, popping the lid off a breath later. A heap of money sat at the bottom—money I’d saved in case of emergency. For groceries, bills, if a tire blew. I didn’t make a lot from working at the diner, so sometimes we were late on bills, and our landlord was strict. He was in his late twenties, but had a stick wedged so far up his ass, I was surprised he could even breathe.

I grabbed a twenty, put the money back where I found it and made my way into the hall, through the kitchen, and outside again. The sun beat down on me, warming my skin as I moved back to my car, slipping into the driver’s seat.

There was a heavy weight on my shoulders making the air surrounding me too thin. My life wasn’t perfect, but at least there were moments I could pretend, before Ashton showed back up and dismantled everything. My hands tightened around the steering wheel, my gaze snagging in the stick and poke tattoo in the web between my thumb and forefinger. A heart with an arrow through it. A + E within the body of it. Jameson had given me the tattoo back in high school when we thought we’d be together forever. It was a painful reminder of what we had. He even gave Ashton one, in the exact same spot, but I didn’t even think to look for it when I saw him earlier.

Tate’s words sliced through my thoughts, reminding me that I wasn’t alone. “Are we going to go, or what?”

I swallowed thickly, forcing the seatbelt across my chest before putting the vehicle in reverse. My head was a mess as I pulled out onto the main road.

I loved my siblings, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have the gigantic burden of having to care for them. It wasn’t my place. But because I was the oldest, it somehow fell on my shoulders.I’ve always been careful, making sure to use condoms every time due to not being on birth control anymore. It had messed with my hormones too much. Sometimes I just wanted to be a normal college student, only having to worry about keeping my grades up and partying with the rest of my classmates. Even when I needed time to myself, it was impossible because I had to be there for them.

My tongue swiped along my chapped lips as I veered off at an intersection. Briley watched me silently, respecting that I didn’t want to talk about it, especially not in front of the kids.

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