Page 122 of Destroying Everleigh

Everleigh

Ex Habit - Abuse Me

Icontemplated crashing their party for about an hour before deciding against it. Being naked in front of a bunch of strangers wasn’t exactly appealing to me. Plus, Briley had made it abundantly clear that she intended on going to the next party, and I really didn’t want to see her right now. Especially without any clothes on. The image of her bent over the counter in the locker room was burned into my mind. This was already beginning to feel like the longest weekend ever. Even with everything happening.

I glanced at my phone for the millionth time today before scooping it up. I shot Amber another text, knowing she wouldn’t respond. She hadn’t responded to the hundreds of other texts I’d left. Maybe she was right about me, and I was a shit person. I did know that she was interested in Jameson, but Amber was the type of girl who never dated. She used guys just like they used women. I didn’t realize that Jameson was an exception.An exasperated breath passed through my lips as I brushed my fingers through my curls.

Mom’s funeral was today, and it was the last thing I wanted to do on a Sunday. I loved her and do miss her, but the funeral is just going to reopen everything and force me to grieve harder.

On the bright side, I had all the freedom in the world now due to losing my job. On the downside, I felt completely numb and couldn’t even bring myself to wash the dishes, let alone take care of the rest of the house.

I checked my reflection in the mirror one last time. There were dark circles beneath my eyes and my skin was paler than usual. Honestly, I looked sick as shit. Makeup couldn’t even help me this time. I was wearing a short black dress that stopped a few inches above the knee. It wasn’t a form-fitting dress. The skirt wafted out around me and the bodice was the only snug part about it. I slipped on a pair of black flats along with a black cardigan. It was way too cold to go out there without a jacket and the service would be outside.

Snatching up my keys, I made a beeline for the front door and stepped out into the chilly weather. A shiver rolled through me as soon as the air hit my skin, but I kept walking until I was sliding into my car. I sucked in a few deep breaths before revving my engine. The heater filled the car instantly, wrapping me firmly in a blanket built of humidity.

It took me a few moments to convince myself to do much else, but once I’d deemed myself composed enough, I peeled out of my driveway and shot down the main road leading toward the highway.

I was numb the entire way to my destination. My hands were tight around the wheel and my gaze was pinned to the road, but none of it registered within my mind. It was like I was a zombie, forcing myself through the motions of another shitty day, wondering when it would all end. My mom, Briley, Amber,Lucas, Ashton, Jameson, Kash, Dallas. How many obstacles did a single person need?

The cemetery gates were open when I pulled in, so I found a parking spot near the back of the lot and stepped out of my vehicle, clutching my keys tightly within my palm. A cold sweat broke out across my skin, and despite the cold atmosphere, I found myself feeling way too hot. Tombstones littered the grass, stretching out for miles until they disappeared into the distance.

Voices rang out, capturing my attention. With a lot of reluctance, I started toward the noise. I was half-tempted to chicken out and hightail it out of there, but I didn’t want to regret it later on. My mom might have struggled a lot in the end of her life, but she was once an amazing parent—someone to look up to. She was dealt a shit hand by my no-good father, and didn’t deserve what happened to her. And for that, I needed to be here today.

A large group of people were surrounded by a white canopy with a casket beneath. My throat tightened instantly as I shoved my way through the crowd and found a seat near the front by Tate. His eyes were rimmed red, and his skin was as pale as mine was. He clearly wasn’t taking this any better than me.

Casting a glance around, I tried to make out some of the faces here. But there were quite a few I didn’t recognize. Either Mom had more friends than I thought she did, or this was an open funeral. The thought didn’t sit right with me. Why would random people even want to show up to a funeral of a person they never even knew? Briley was seated further down, bruises marring her face. My stomach twisted with a mixture of guilt and anger, but the remorse quickly vanished when an image of her and Lucas flashed within my mind. Gritting my teeth, I tore my gaze away just in time to see my grandma taking the front of the canopy area.

Even as she started talking and moving her arms animatedly, my mind couldn’t process a single thing she was saying. Not until she said my name.

“Everleigh, dear,” Grandma called out. “Would you like to come up here and say a few words about your mother?”

The air was sucked from my body instantly. I didn’t want to get up there in front of all these people and talk about how great of a person my dead mother used to be. As soon as the service ended, they’d forget all about it.

My hands shook within my lap, terror slicing its way through my chest. I could feel everyone’s eyes drift over to me, their heated gazes burning a variety of holes through my skin. Maybe I shouldn’t have come. I wasn’t in a good head space, and getting up to talk about my mom in front of all these people might just be the final nail in my coffin. Pun not intended.

On shaky legs, I forced myself to stand. My head spun with dizziness, heat shooting directly through my skull. Grandma was clueless, standing there expectantly with a fond smile tugging at her weathered lips. She stepped to the side when I finally managed to approach. My fists were tight at my sides, and I slowly turned to face the variety of people seated before me.

I blew out a breath and swallowed, attempting to dislodge the thick lump that had formed in my throat. “M-my mom was…” I trailed off. “She was….” Fuck. I couldn’t do this.

Images of our time together bulldozed to the forefront of my mind. Her tired smile when she was teaching me how to ride a bike and I’d finally gotten it down for the first time, or the angry look on her face when she had to go pick Briley and Angie up from some college party they definitely shouldn’t have been at. The times when both our parents seemed happy together, cuddling on the couch and watching Criminal Minds while sneaking kisses that me and Briley thought were so gross.Tears blurred my vision, my heart dropping into the depths of my stomach.

Why couldn’t she have lived longer? Why didn’t she fight harder? Why the fuck did she leave me?

Grandma placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, startling me. I jumped slightly and pulled in a deep breath, sucking it down into my lungs. “My mother was a good parent,” I began, speaking much more evenly than I thought was possible. “Her kids were always her first priority. We always had everything we needed, even if she couldn’t necessarily afford to provide, she somehow always made it work.”

My gaze took in the large crowd of people who were watching me intently. Some of them were crying, some were giving me sympathetic looks. Some of them looked like they’d rather be anywhere else. There was even a mother in the back row, scolding her child who looked like he was around Tate’s age. But when my eyes latched onto a pair of familiar brown ones, my stomach twisted. He looked older than the last time I’d seen him, but not by much. The asshole was seated in the front row, his eyes glazed over with unshed tears like he had any right to give a shit.

Daddy fucking dearest.

My eyes narrowed at him, and I was pleased to see that it hadn’t gone unnoticed. A surge of fire tore through my veins, causing me to grit my teeth. “Even when her piece of shit of a husbandleft us, because she had become terminally ill, she was still always there. Our one constant. She was a fighter. And she fought until she couldn’t any longer.”

The deadbeat winced like I’d slapped him. Good. He deserved to feel something about this. He left us when we needed him the most. What kind of piece of shit abandoned their family when their wife became ill? He wanted a free pass, and he got it. He didn’t deserve to be here.

Grandma’s hand tightened around my shoulder, concern flashing across her face. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so bold in front of all these people. Maybe she felt embarrassed. But this day wasn’t about her. It was about my mom.

I sucked in a ragged breath before continuing. “She laid down her life for us. She sacrificed so much. And the majority of people sitting here today…” I gave a sweep around the vicinity with my eyes, noting all the unfamiliar faces and the faces of people who were once friends or closer relatives. “You didn’t deserve her, and you sure as hell shouldn’t be here today.”

I stomped back to my seat and dropped into the chair, anger still pulsing through me in waves. Grandma cleared her throat, a wary expression on her face as she began talking again. But I was beyond pissed off and couldn’t comprehend a single word she was saying. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that people thought they had the right to be here when they didn’t give a shit about her while she was alive.

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