Page 91 of Dangerous Pursuit

“Bye, Cici.” I walk away with a load off my chest. I knew telling her I was skipping the wedding would piss her off, but I seriously can’t do it. It’s probably a smart decision if last night is any indication. The game I’m going to isn’t a bullshit story either.

The guys I’ve been talking to got me into this tournament. It’s a private high-stakes game with some seedier players and might be the crowd that leads me in the right direction. The trick will be navigating a conversation without raising any red flags, causing suspicion from the wrong people.

Mia

I woke up to a panic attack this morning. The fall semester is kicking my ass, and after staying up late to finish a project, I ended up not thinking of Jackson before bed last night for the first time since we’ve been apart. Did we reach our expiration date?

I often wonder if he’s moved on after so long. I’ve got to be kidding myself to hold out hope that he hasn’t. He was no stranger to the ladies before I came along, so I don’t know what makes me think he would be celibate other than wishful thinking. And that’s not fair of me. He deserves happiness—we both do. I just wish it could have been together.

Between school, my newfound passion for running, and my job at the coffee shop, I’m spending less time obsessing over the past. It’s refreshing to feel somewhat normal again, even if it did take over six months for it to happen, but I still have my moments.

Not only am I exhausted from lack of sleep, but Mondays suck in general. It’s my longest day of classes, which means sitting in front of the computer for hours before the afternoon shift at work. I might have been a little ambitious with this semester’s class load, trying to squeeze in as many credits as possible while the government pays for it. And since the government is paying, I chose one of the top online degree programs in the country, which means it’s no joke.

I could have chosen to attend a local university, but don’t want to lie to even more people and introduce myself as someone I’m not. Plus, there’s always a slim chance someone from San Diego ends up at the same one, and then we’d be forced to start over. No, thank you. Online school is great.

One of the benefits of working at a coffee shop is being able to make an energy drink at the start of my shift—highlight of my day right here.

“Those are terrible for you, you know,” Jeff says as he’s clocking out.

“Says the guy who drinks triple-shot espressos on the daily.”

Jeff and I have been talking more at work. It’s getting more personal with questions about family, childhood stuff, and talk of the future. It scares me but also feels good at the same time. I haven’t had someone other than my mom to talk to in forever.

At first, I was constantly previewing my answers for anything I wasn’t supposed to say, but it’s become easier. At night, though, I always feel guilty for enjoying our conversations. I’m starting to wonder if that will ever go away with not receiving closure with Jackson.

“Touché. Did you get that paper done over the weekend?”

“Yeah, barely. I submitted it at the final hour last night.” This time, when I told him I was busy with homework over the weekend, I wasn’t making it up.

“Damn, if your sophomore year is that difficult, I can’t imagine how much worse it’ll get. The business program I’m in isn’t that hard, and my junior year is still kicking my butt.”

“The minor in criminal justice might have been a bit much, but if I can use my accounting degree at a major law firm, it could mean good money down the road. It’ll be worth it in the end.” I hope so, anyway.

“Since you got your paper done, how about you relax for once and come to a Halloween party with me on Thursday night? Not a date, just something for you to let loose at. Come on—I’m offering a zero-pressure option this time. What do you say?”

Asking me out has become a regular thing these days, but he knows I’ll say no, so now it’s more of a running joke. It usually goes something like this: “I know you have to clean your room tonight, but I’d love to take you to dinner if you want to put it off?” Or “I’m sure you’re already going grocery shopping, but would you want to grab a bite to eat beforehand so you’re nothungry as you walk down the aisles?” It’s cute, and recently, I can’t tell if he’s really asking me out or keeping the joke going—which doesn’t matter, I suppose, since I don’t plan on saying yes.

This party, though, has me considering. “I don’t remember the last time I was at a party,” I muse.

“Exactly, which is why you should go. It’s a costume party, so you can pretend to be someone else for the night. That’s always fun, right?”

Ha. If he only knew I do that every day.“How big is the party?”

“I’m scared to answer that without knowing what you’re hoping for. This is the first time you haven’t come back with a no right away, and I don’t want to risk it.”

I laugh. Jeff’s gotten good at pulling those sounds from me. “You said it wouldn’t be a date, so I figured if it were a big party, that would make it seem less date-ish.” I don’t want to lead him on by going, and if there were only three couples or something, that would be awkward.

He looks relieved. “I wasn’t sure if you were crowd averse, but it’s a big party. It’s at one of the frat houses, and they practically invite the entire student body. I even have a buddy staying sober to drive, so we would have a chaperone. See? Not a date.” I roll my eyes as he leans his hip on the counter with his arms crossed, smiling while he waits for my answer.

“Okay, fine, I’ll go. Just as friends,” I point out once more.

He grins. “Friends. Scout’s honor.” He does the salute, and I blanche.

“No, wait. Never mind, I—”

“Mary, what did I do?” Jeff asks in a panic.

“Nothing. No, I just… I’m sorry. I’m not ready.” I look up to the ceiling and breathe deeply.

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