Page 80 of Dangerous Pursuit

When it sinks in that yesterday was real and not a dream, I want to close my eyes and never wake. Mom and I stayed up late intothe night while I confessed everything that had happened since Jay and Frank showed up. There were tears and apologies on both sides, hers from thinking I bore the burden alone and mine from keeping it from her.

We went over both options round and round, back and forth, weighing the pros and cons of each. The pro side had less to do with actual pros and more with what made one choice better than the other. The way I see it, there are no positives other than bringing this guy down and preventing him from hurting anyone else, which ultimately weighed heavily in our decision.

Mom was worried about the impact on me in both scenarios, considering it would be my jail time on one hand or saying goodbye to friends on the other. Finally, we did the only thing that made sense, so I texted the number they gave me, solidifying it before we changed our minds. The only thing left is to say goodbye to Walker, who will be here in the morning—he just doesn’t know why.

After we exhausted that discussion, she held me while I broke down and recounted what happened with Jackson. She assured me that it would all work out, saying there would be many other loves in my lifetime.

Unfortunately, I know better. He ruined me for any others. How do you move on after having Mr. Perfect? God needs to make up his mind on whether I deserve happiness or not because this back-and-forth is killing me.

The things I said at the height of my anger have been on replay, and as badly as I want to call and take it all back, I know that would only result with me in his arms. And seeing him before I go would make this decision impossible. There’s no way I can walk away again, so this will have to be how it ends.

I wish I’d known it was the last time I was going to see him. I would have taken a moment longer to memorize every feature,scent, and feeling, ingraining it all to my memory the same way my love for him is embedded into my soul.

Instead, my last memory is painful, heartbreaking, and filled with guilt. The look in his eyes at my final jab when I told him I didn’t need him anymore will haunt me forever. The worst part is that it was a total lie. I can’t imagine a world where I don’t need him in it. Not to protect me but to make me smile. To make me laugh. To make me melt. No one can check all the boxes Jackson did—hell, he created the damn things.

I hate that I can’t say goodbye, and I’m warring with myself about whether I’m making the right decision, but I think it’s better this way. To leave him with bitterness so he has an easier time moving on. God, just imagining him with someone else wrecks me. How long will it take? Will he be married when I see him next? The thought guts me.

Finally forcing myself from bed, one look in the mirror confirms everything. My eyes are red and swollen from crying for hours last night, and I’m sure there are more tears on the way since Walker is coming over to hear the bad news. I didn’t trust Jackson not to come knocking on my door, so I texted him that I needed more time before we talked, knowing we wouldn’t get that chance.

I try to put myself together and decide to fix some coffee while waiting for Walker to get here. When I enter the kitchen, Mom is there. “Morning. Any change of heart today?”

“No, I think we made the right decision. I know this is going to be hard for you, sweetie. I wish there were another option.”

“Me too. Walker’s on his way over, so I guess I’ll be saying goodbye in a minute.” I feel the tears threatening again.

“Oh, mija, come here.” She wraps me in her arms. “We’re going to be okay. We’ve already had to start over once and we can do it again. We’re tough cookies, you and I. We’ll get through this, Mia.”

There’s a knock at the door, signaling Walker’s arrival.

“I’ll give you some privacy and go pack some of my things. You’ve got this, honey.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

I open the front door, and even though I prepped myself and swore I wouldn’t do this, a sob breaks out the minute I see him.

“Holy shit, Mia. What’s wrong? Is your mom okay?” he asks, encircling me in a hug.

“Yeah, she’s fine. I’m sorry. Here, come in so I fill you in on everything. Let me get you some coffee.” I take a minute to collect myself while I pour two mugs.

Sitting at the kitchen table, I explain as much as possible without giving any information that could put him in jeopardy. When I get to the part about going into the witness protection program, he shakes his head in disbelief, refusing to accept it.

“Walker, it’s the only choice, trust me. We’ve been all over the board trying to come up with other options, and there are none. It has to be this way, but like I said, it won’t be forever. Who knows? I might be back in a couple of years.” Here I am highlighting the positives when all I’ve been focused on are the negatives.

“There’s no guarantee on that, and we can’t even talk while you’re gone. It’s crap that they’re forcing you to do this. What does Jackson have to say about it?” I left out the part about Jackson, but it looks like I won’t get away with it.

I sigh heavily before explaining our final moments. “We didn’t exactly end on good terms. I’m not going to tell him what happened after I left.”

“He doesn’t know you’re leaving? That’s not right, Mia.”

“It would only make it harder on both of us. Since I basically broke things off, being gone will just seal the deal. And this way, he’ll have something to be angry about and have an easier time moving on. There’s no sense in both of us being this miserable.”

“You think he won’t be miserable thinking this was all his fault and blame himself? He should know how you feel and the truth about why you’re leaving so he doesn’t beat himself up over it.”

“Gah! I don’t know what the right answer is, okay? But I can’t say goodbye to him. Please, Walker, let it go. This is what I need.” My tears are back in full force.

“God, Mia, I just can’t believe this is happening. I’m gonna miss you like crazy.”

“I’m going to miss you so much.” We stand, throwing our arms around each other and staying like that long enough for me to soak his shirt.

---