Page 73 of Beltane

“Okay,” I said, too exhausted to fight anymore. When would this end? When would I be able to relax?

I glanced down the table at my mother, who smiled around her mimosa, her hair having long ago turned gray, the wrinkles around her face hinting at how hard being the president rode the person who held the title. Kellan, likewise, looked ten years older than he was, nearly two decades older than he had just four years ago.

Once again, I wondered—would that be me one day? Would I find myself sitting around the brunch table, planning out the lives of my children with such little care for their opinions about it? Would I create an environment where my family hid everything from me for fear of retaliation? Would I mess with their technology to keep them away from people I didn’t like or publicize lewd photos of them to ensure they did what I wanted?

No, I wouldneverbe her. I never wanted to be her.

“Once Lex confirms his return to the States, we’ll reschedule your wedding,” Evelyn went on. “The sooner the better. We wouldn’t want another scandal, would we?” She gave me a playful wink, but I seethed with frustration. It was her fault we had the photo leak in the first place. It was her fault that my spouses and I had lost so much time together.

So much for my outburst at our wedding. She’d pretended the whole thing hadn’t happened, that I hadn’t gone ripping through her mind on a rampage worthy of Dr. Charles Xavier. Maybe it embarrassed her, or maybe she thought she’d imagined the whole thing. Either way, it had been brushed under a rug and never discussed, much like every other skeleton in our closet.

“And what of Jon’s upcoming engagement?” My father gestured to my brother across the table, who raised his eyebrows and nearly choked on the piece of egg he’d stuffed into his mouth.

“My…uh…what?” Jon looked between Mother and Father, glancing briefly at me before back down at his plate. He grabbed the napkin to wipe his mouth and took a quick drink of champagne.

“Oh, that’s right.” Evelyn’s eyes glittered while she spoke. “We’ve struck a bargain with the Fitzgeralds. You’ll marry the youngest girl. What’s her name?”

Jon balked as I struggled to swallow the rage boiling up the back of my throat.

“She’s supposed to be my fiancée, and you don’t remember her name?” Jon shifted in his seat, gaze landing on me and Kit. “I thought we agreed the rest of the Washington children were allowed to pick their partners.”

“Hmm.” Mother’s eyes narrowed on my brother. “Do you think that’s wise, considering thewomenyou’ve been known to date?” She said the word like Jon had been hanging out with rats instead of human beings.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He shook his head, narrowing his eyes. “If you’re insinuating something, be out with it.”

“Krista Karina? Heather McCall? B-rated actresses at best.”

“Well, they can’t all be Carter Scott.” Jon’s quip wasn’t aimed at me, but I choked on a laugh, regardless. Look at what had become of us, and compared to what Jon, Kit, and I had just been through, none of their political games were worth it.

“Enough,” my mother cut in. “I don’t understand where this is coming from. You’ve known this was happening since you were born. This is the price we pay to live the life we have.”

The price we pay…

She’d been spouting that nonsense since we were children, and likely even before that. When would I have paid my dues? What would be enough for her, for the world? Having her do this to me and Lex was one thing, but I wouldn’t stand here while she lined up my siblings and ruined their lives one after the other.

I didn’t want that. I didn’t wantthis.None of it. Suddenly, the pageantry and opulence seemed old, tired, and unnecessary. This place wasn’t warm like our cabin. It wouldn’t keep its occupants safe through the long winter nights nor stand to resist an evil fairy king. I may have come from her body, but I didn’t want to be a part of her world any longer.

Nothing in my life had ever been more clear to me.

Jon opened his mouth to respond, but I caught his gaze and shook my head, using an ancient form of sibling communication to tell him to keep his mouth shut: a glare and a grimace.

He sighed, grabbed his champagne, and chugged the rest of it while a plan started to form in the back of my mind.

* * *

I staredat the place on my palm where my oath used to be, remembering each curve of the scars, each tiny bump of marred flesh. In so many ways, I wished it was still there. I wished Lex was still with us, that I hadn’t left him to be the queen’s plaything. But most importantly, I wished I had done anything at all to keep Miri from walking out the door.

In eight hours, I’d lose her forever, and that hurt so damned bad, I struggled to breathe. Once upon a time, I’d made her a promise to never let her leave me again. I’d sworn I’d fight for her when she couldn’t, when she thought she didn’t deserve us. Perhaps I had let this go on long enough. Perhaps I ought to call her bluff.

“Are you ready?” My chief of staff, Giana, raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms, her wide brown eyes raking over me from head to toe and back up again. Compared to this time a few weeks ago, I looked the part of Representative Washington. I’d stuffed my feet into the designer pumps and I’d slipped on the expensive suit jacket. I’d even pulled up my politician mask, shoving my desperation so far down inside me, even I wasn’t sure the last few weeks had happened.

Now, I had to give a press conference about my wedding, Lex’s absence, and what I planned to do about the rumors of my sabbatical. Giana had prepared my speech, claiming that Lex was still on our honeymoon, that we planned to go forward with the wedding as soon as possible, and I’d return to the office on Monday morning. Short. Sweet. To the point.

Except reading the various drafts sent thick, gaping despondency straight through my chest, and it hadn’t let up since I’d agreed to this fiasco.

“Sure.” I nodded and followed her out of the green room and down the hallway, straightening my blouse as I took a slow, deep breath, exhaling through my nose.

Don’t think about Miri.Don’t think about Lex. Don’t think about Carter.

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