Page 6 of Beltane

He sighed and glanced down at me, brushing away a tear that had trickled over the side of my face.

“They’re worried about you,” he said. “We all are.”

I swallowed my shame, admitting my isolation tactic had perhaps been ill-advised at best. I thought I was protecting them. I thought staying away would keep us safe. I’d ruined everything because of it.

“Miri,” Carter said, gently brushing his fingers against my scalp, massaging certain areas to make me more relaxed. “Yesterday, when I met you in the closet at Danae, you said we weren’t safe with you, not anymore.”

I tensed, recalling my breakdown. In the fluster of trying to get him to leave before he got caught, I’d overstepped my own boundaries.

“I said a lot of things I didn’t mean.” I’d told him I was tired of coming in third, that Ivy would end up with either him or Lex, and I’d get screwed in the end. But those were lies. I’d only said them to get him to go, to protect him from whatever the king had done to me.

“You’re not third, Miri.” He swallowed hard and shook his head. “I’m sorry if we ever made you feel that way.”

“You didn’t.” Damn my poor pathetic heart. I couldn’t have him blaming himself, especially not when I’d been the dishonorable one. “I’ve…” Clearing my throat, I clenched my hands together and sighed, deciding enough was enough. Of the four of us, Carter had always been the more empathetic, the one who would grab a strange child from the queen of fairies to protect her. If I were going to come clean to anyone first, it helped that it was him. “Something’s wrong with me.” The words came out in a whisper, as if speaking them any louder might make the damage worse.

He furrowed his eyebrows, straightening upright so he could turn to face me. “Whatever it is, it’s not as bad as you think.”

“This is all my fault, Carter.” My throat scratched like I’d swallowed an entire beach. I had to tellsomeone, but maybe it was better to wait until I could tell them all together. I believed something happened to me that night in Monaco. I’d woken up sure that I’d had intercourse the night before. But I didn’t remember having anyone in my bed. The same glimmer existed on that memory as the one with my parents. The king did something to me; I knew it. He’d get to me again. “If you hadn’t come for me…if you hadn’t hit him when he wasn’t suspecting it…” I didn’t dare look at Carter, knowing I would see anger and disappointment in his stare. “Don’t you see?” I turned to face him, my vision blurring as water welled in the corners of my eyes. “I’m the easy target. I’m the liability.”

“No, you’re not,” he said. “But fault doesn’t matter. You’re alive, and you’re here with me, and that’s all we need.”

I sucked in a deep, desperate breath. “Is this real?”

Carter’s features broke, his chest sagging like he couldn’t believe I’d had to ask. More tears streamed over his cheeks, and this time, I wiped them away. I didn’t like that he had to cry for me. I didn’t like that I had become something worth crying over.

He turned me around in his lap, putting my legs to either side of his hips so I straddled his thighs. He leaned me on his massive chest and held me in his strong arms, his steady heartbeat a soothing metronome to the chaos inside my mind.

“Yes, it’s real, Juliet.”

“How can you be sure?” I closed my eyes, letting his scent and his energy coax me into relaxing.

“I’ll tell you when it’s not, okay?” He kissed my temple, holding me tighter. “Just ask me, and I’ll tell you.”

“Okay,” I said, tucking farther under his chin like a kitten might to a new owner. The relief his promise brought me evaporated some of the tension in my chest. “Thank you.”

It spoke volumes about our relationship that Carter didn’t immediately try to fix me. He didn’t try to tell me things would be okay or that he’d get some demented toxic revenge for my honor. He didn’t make me feel lesser, and for that, I owed him my eternal gratitude.

Exhausted from the battle with the king and the separation from my source of strength, I closed my eyes and let unconsciousness take me.

* * *

I staredup at the two-story cabin and took a deep breath, squeezing Carter’s hand tighter. The last time I’d escaped from my family and ran to the States, we’d been in the middle of a terrible lust. I had craved their connection the way a dying plant prayed for rain, knowing if I didn’t get it, I would wilt away to dust.

Not much was different this time except for the possibility it was more likely they’d turn me away. I hadn’t been gone quite as long, certainly not long enough to draw out the lust again, but once they learned how vulnerable I was, they might not want me anymore.

“Will they even have you now?”The king’s voice haunted me.

I was still a threat, a sleeper cell wearing their lover’s costume. I simply could not be trusted.

Carter gave me a wink and soft smile before climbing the porch steps to the sliding glass doors and pushing one aside. My heart in my throat, my blood on fire, I ascended the stairs and wrapped my arms around my ribs, turning the corner to come face-to-face with my spouses.

Lex pushed to his feet from the sofa, a cigarette between two fingers, his dark hair sticking out at odd angles. Ivy paced behind him, her soft ginger plait hanging down the side of her body, one of Carter’s old college hoodies swallowing her Amazonian frame. My stomach dropped to my ankles, the weight of the time between us choking the words in my throat.

At my entrance, they both froze.

“Fuck,” Lex said. I expected as much from my prince of darkness, but Ivy didn’t say anything. Her face turned a bright shade of pink, the X on her neck standing out against the rest of her porcelain skin. Dark bags hung under her eyes, hinting at recent sleepless nights, and she’d lost at least twenty pounds since February. Her once muscular frame now seemed almost as frail and lifeless as mine. We were a matching set. Objectively, I looked worse than her, but Carter had been right. The few months apart had not been kind to either of us.

Carter closed the door and stepped next to me, taking my hand again, reminding me he’d rescued me and brought me to them. I wasn’t alone. In some twisted way, it reminded me of when I’d absconded with him to Malibu.

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