Page 36 of Beltane

“You are the strongest of them. You are the one they look to for protection, for leadership. A king, perhaps, in your own way.”

I thought over the last year, how Ivy and Miri had crumbled at the seams, how lost and clueless Carter had been to fix it…and me—the conductor of this circus, the one keeping the beat and making sure everyone hit their marks.

In the end, it came down to one thing: I considered them mine. Ivy may have been born first, but I was the possessive fuck that had the nerve to claim them, all of them, so completely. Was that not the epitome of a great king?

“At the end, it will be up to you to decide who or what to sacrifice,” she continued, “and you are the only one who can make this decision, the only onepowerfulenough.”

All the air whooshed out of me, my lungs suddenly the weight of anvils. I understood what she was saying as well as what she wasn’t. Only moments ago, I was willing to sacrifice myself for my loved ones, and now, I needed to let that possibility settle in my gut. Like most of the stories we’d read pre-Christianity, this fairy tale didn’t have a happy ending. The sooner I came to terms with that, the easier this was going to be.

I thought of my reason for all this, the one image that kept me going—a sunny afternoon at our cabin. Miri hunched over in her garden, her smile huge and timeless. Carter, graying around the temples, wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, tossing a football with our children, chasing them around the yard. Ivy, with that molten silver stare, still Amazonian and statuesque, none of it having diminished with time. I wanted so much to be a part of that picture, to be the one behind the lens…but what if I was only the one able to give it to them?

The realization hit me in the gut, nearly dropping me to my knees. If it came to it, I would lay down my crown and fall on my sword if it ensured my loved ones returned home again.

No. Fucking no.

I wouldn’t let it happen. I just wouldn’t. All of us were making it out of this alive, so help me God. I wouldn’t let Alberich or Diana or any of these pricks take that away from me. I didn’t believe in sacrifice. I didn’t believe in predetermination.Fuck that.

If I’d learned anything in this disgusting fairy tale, it was that no one could predict the future, especially not Siobhan. She got “gut feelings” and “instincts,” whatever that meant. Carter and Ivy would call it fate, but I refused to believe my destiny lay in the hands of a bunch of psychotic fairies.

I decided my life. I decided my destiny.

For so long, I had wished it was me who died on that boat instead of my brother. And now that I’d finally accepted it wasn’t, these fuckers wouldn’t take that away from me.

“Oh, Alexei,” Diana said, cupping my jaw as she stuck out her lower lip in a pretend pout. “Do not look so furious. You have always believed you are in control of your own fate. None of this has any real power over you.” Giving me a quick pat on the cheek, she winked and said, “Remember?”

Act III

O, when she’s angry, she is keen and shrewd.

She was a vixen when she went to school,

And though she be but little, she is fierce.

-Helena, Act III, Scene II

14

Miri

Nearly three hours passed while Ivy and Carter tried to wake Lex and Diana. But it was futile. Whatever conversation the queen wanted to have with Lex wouldn’t be interrupted until she finished with him.

I tried to ignore her advice to me.You will know when the time is right. Trust yourself, and trust your beloveds.She said nothing about Reginald or my crown. She said nothing about what would be the right thing to do, only that I would know. Her words clawed at my insides like razor blades.

You already know what to do,came a small voice from the back of my mind, flashing images of me throwing my engagement ring at my grandmother’s feet and riding off into the sunset with my spouses.

But what did that mean? Was she suggesting I give up everything I’d ever known?

What would my father think if he knew I tossed it away for a silly thing like love?

I had to stay true to myself, and I loved my spouses more than anything. That was what Diana meant. Trust in them. I couldn’t betray them like that. I would stay. I had to stay, no matter what my gran did to me, no matter what happened here.

“I’m telling you,” Poppy said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Nothing you do will get their attention. I was sitting here for over a day, screaming and shaking all of you. They’re really under.”

Over a day.

It was hard to believe that could be true, especially given my muscles and joints didn’t ache like I’d been sitting in one place for twenty-seven hours, but that had been the case. For us, we had blinked and returned to normal. For Poppy, she said she had stressed the entire time, especially when Siobhan and her lovers didn’t return.

Now, going on hour thirty, we were running out of options. Today was Beltane. As much as I balked at the idea, we had to get into the woods so we could slip into Faerie. We had the ring and the right time of year. We couldn’t wait any longer.

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