Page 57 of Reclaiming Love

Chapter 31

She stood for the longest time in the shower and took so long that an alarmed Heather now banged on the door, worried. “Melissa? You’ve been in there over an hour.”

Had she? Had she been under the streaming jet of hot water for that long? She couldn’t feel a thing. She stared absentmindedly at the white tiles through the haze of steam. Everything looked cloudy, blurred. It was safe and warm in here and she could easily lose herself in the blurry haze, could easily stay in here another hour, staring at the steam on the tiles. She didn’t want to talk to anyone or see anyone. She wanted to vanish, wanted to disappear down some deep, dark hole where no-one would find her.

She’d scrubbed her body twice. Once to get the smell of him off her. Twice to scrub herself red raw. Her body smarted with pain from the sting of exfoliation.

“Melissa? Are you alright?” Another loud knock followed. She heard Heather but couldn’t bring herself to answer. She felt a disconnect between her body and her thoughts. Inhaling deeply, she stayed put, lost and hidden in the overheated bathroom, her safe haven.

“Melissa.” When Heather tried the handle, Melissa knew her friend was worried. Usually Heather didn’t even notice whether Melissa was around or not. But now her inability to move was as strong as her desire to remain enveloped in the fog.

“I’m fine.” She forced herself to shout out a reply. “I’ll be out soon.” But when Heather banged again, she was propelled into slow action.

She would have to face the world at some point. With reluctance, she turned the faucet and watched as the water slowly trickled to a drip. Drying herself, she wandered out and headed toward her room, wanting nothing more than to go to bed again. She lay down in her bathrobe, with no desire to get dressed.

“What’s wrong?” A concerned Heather reappeared in her room and now bent down looking at her as she lay on her stomach, her whole body on the bed, her wet hair dangling on her back and shoulders. She hadn’t even bothered to rough dry it. Small droplets of water soaked through the thick bathrobe, slowly wetting her back.

Heather touched her gently on her shoulder. “Mel?”

I want to go to sleep.

Heather knelt on the floor quietly and stroked Melissa’s face with her hand. But Melissa wanted so badly to close her eyes and go to sleep, to pretend none of this had happened.

“Either you tell me what’s going on or I’m going to call your parents and tell them I’m worried about you.”

That shook her up. She opened both her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

In a bid to prove otherwise, she dragged her body up and hoisted herself further up the bed until she reached the headrest. Reaching over she grabbed a pillow and hugged it for comfort.

Heather got up off the floor and sat down beside her with her body perched on the bed. She observed Melissa closely.

“Where did you go?”

“To see Matt.”

Heather’s face tightened. “Why?”

“To tell him it’s over,” Melissa said, wearily.

“And you had to go this afternoon? All of a sudden?”

Melissa nodded.

“And he said?”

“Okay. He said okay.”

Heather looked right through her. “He said it was ‘okay’?” Her quiet disbelief spoke volumes.

Melissa nodded and refused to return her friend’s prolonged stare. She had to keep it together even though the world swayed around her and Heather’s worries and concerns fluttered over her head like dandelion fluffs floating away. Still. She had to keep it together. Because.

He hadn’t raped her.

She’d let him.

He hadn’t forced himself on her.

---