Page 61 of Reclaiming Love

Chapter 33

He knew she’d been lying the first time. It had started off as a feeling that something was wrong. But his fears had only been confirmed when he’d gone to the toilet and his nostrils smarted at the subtly disguised stench of vomit. Yet she’d walked out and made a joke about something, as though there wasn’t anything wrong at all.

And then he remembered, it wasn’t the first time he’d smelled that stench.

Once for their anniversary, he’d surprised her with a stay at a hotel complete with dinner. But he remembered now how she’d picked at her food. She was never a great eater, so it hadn’t been anything out of the ordinary then—only now, with the passing of time and the analysis of things that it brought, was he able to piece it all together and see what he’d been so blind to before. After the meal they’d gone back to the room and messed around and watched a film on TV. But he’d woken up to hear her vomiting in the bathroom. She told him after that she thought she’d eaten something that didn’t agree with her.

It wasn’t until much later that he understood what she did. She consumed food and then threw it up…the feeling of food in her stomach created an ongoing battle with her mind.

It was only now, knowing what he knew about her, about the illness, that he finally understood how much of a torture that gift of a weekend away must have been for her.

For Bree a romantic meal and a weekend away with him was the worst possible present he could have given her. She’d had nowhere to hide.

The more closely he observed her, the more he realized there was a pattern. A couple of times he’d called her out on it. They would arrange to meet, he’d call to remind her and she’d cancel. She’d make any excuse: that she was busy going to the gym, or a friend needed her urgently, or her mother was unwell, or she had a headache and he wouldn’t see her until a couple of days later. Then she’d be fine again. Sometimes she looked a little tired, but there was nothing overly suspicious for him to get worried about. Or think twice about.

Looking back on it all now, he hated himself for not seeing something that stared him right in the face. He hadn’t been the only one to be duped so easily. Her parents had been as well.

But sometimes he thought he saw a hint of accusation in their eyes. Or maybe he imagined it?

How could you have a relationship and not know?

Towards the end, things had cooled down between them. She’d started not getting completely undressed when they’d have sex. She was beautiful, but she’d always hated the way she looked. Worried her thighs were too chubby, her calves not svelte enough, her arms puffy. The way girls did. She was skinny, too thin, he often thought, with a tall and gangly model build. She’d hidden it so well. Until towards the end.

Now Melissa was doing the same but in a different way. Lying to him, hiding things from him. Trying to make him think that things were not as they seemed. Hoping he wouldn’t find out.

She’d been so different the other night when they’d kissed for hours. He’d come home with the idea that things were moving forward, all ready to make plans for the next time he saw her. They hadn’t talked about plans that night. Contentment had come from losing himself in her, in having her lips on his, her arms around his neck, her eyes so close to his that he could see his reflection in them. The closeness he had only dreamed of had become a glorious, redemptive reality.

Having previously abandoned the idea of finding someone, he had once more started to believe he could reclaim love once more. But now, he realized, he was in a crock so full of shit and lies, it had served only to put him back even more.

He was going to lay low as far as finding love went.

Moving into the apartment had been a double blessing. If he hadn’t moved in, he would never have known. He’d have been duped into thinking he’d found the right girl for him.

How long would she have strung him along?

This morning he’d walked straight past the coffee shop, not even stopping to peer inside to see if she was there. He couldn’t deal with seeing her again. He didn’t want to see her. If there was one thing he was thankful for, it was that they hadn’t swapped numbers. At least he’d been spared the humiliation of being lied to.

Where he would have a problem would be the next time she visited Matt. Noah didn’t want to be around to see that.

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