Page 123 of The Dark Mirror

His gaze found mine once more. I tried not to shiver at the intensity of that look. At the same time, he tightened his grip on the cord, denying me any insight.

‘No,’ he said. ‘You have done enough, Paige.’

I flinched inside.

‘Yes,’ I said quietly. ‘I suppose I have.’ I fished the other phone out of my pocket. ‘I got this for you. All our numbers are in there. Nick will teach you how to use it.’

Arcturus took it.

‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘This is goodbye, then. For now.’

I might not see him again for weeks or months. This was really happening, and it was the last chance to break this tension, to leave on good terms.

‘Please call me if you’re in trouble,’ was all I could say. ‘I understand why you don’t want to use the cord, but … I’m here if you ever need me.’

‘In turn, I am always at your command.’ Arcturus held my gaze. ‘Be safe, little dreamer.’

I managed a nod. Not trusting myself to speak again, I left.

I could sense the others at the cocktail bar, just across the Grand Canal, but I wouldn’t be able to conceal how shoddy I felt. Instead, I crossed the alley to the Palazzo della Notte, my eyes prickling.

Arcturus hadn’t denied that he was obstructing the cord. He had no wish to let me back in. That part of our lives was behind us. I understood. He had gone out of his way to atone for Oxford, to earn my trust, and I had still failed to believe in him. There was no point in pretending we had any chance of recovering from that.

He wouldn’t say it outright. No matter how he felt about Paris, he would never want to burden or hurt me. Instead, he was trying to let me down gently, tell me in as many careful words that it was over. It was the bodyguard in him.

I knew why he had mentioned what I wanted to do next. He had chosen me to lead the Ranthen revolution, but he had neverbanked on caring for me, or having to watch me go through so much. Perhaps it would ease his conscience, to know I had taken my leave of it all. Or perhaps it would be a mercy for him if he never had to see me again, knowing I was just like Cade.

In my room, I locked the door and curled up in the dark, wondering if it would help to drink the minibar dry. I dried my face with my sleeve and tried to pull myself together, but every part of me was hurting.

Arcturus had seen all my faults, all my fears, and still wanted me. Liss had shown me the Lovers card; I had known it was all real. And in a single moment of doubt, I had let him slip away.

As I lay there, wondering if I would ever be able to get up again, my thoughts drifted to Cade. Planning how I would destroy him was the only way to quell the pain of losing Arcturus.

Cade had known me as a prisoner and insurgent, not the hardened criminal I had been in London. Even if Jaxon had never quite succeeded in wringing the morals from me, he had taught me how to be ruthless. In more than three years of working for him, I had been the weapon he used to ensure respect and control. I could take those lessons and turn them on Cade.

The others came back at one in the morning. Just after that, my phone went off.

Noemi will meet you in the foyer at 19:00, Ducos had written. A fresh dissimulator will be delivered in advance. Put it on before you leave your room. Wear a new outfit and cover your hair.

Even though I was drowsy, I reached for the æther. Ducos was still with Pivot. Before I could wonder what they were doing, or where Spinner had gone, I fell asleep.

I woke at seven on the dot. For the first time since Paris, I felt as if I had slept well.

In the bathroom, I checked the mirror. My dark circles had faded, and the deathly pallor was gone. At last, I had my whole self in my keeping. Or as much of myself as was left after Paris.

I took a last brisk walk around Venice, listening to its bells ring out. I would have run the slates right then, had I not been so bruised and sore from Capri. Instead, I crossed the Rialto Bridge and spent a while exploring the districts on the other side of the Grand Canal.

Verca was in the foyer when I got back, waiting for Noemi. ‘I need to make a flying visit to Prague before I join you in Rome,’ she explained. ‘To speak to Radomír.’

‘All right,’ I said. ‘See you soon, then?’

‘Absolutely.’

By five, I was getting ready to leave. I read the message from Ducos, this time with a clear head. The instructions were odd, but I did as she ordered. I changed into an outfit I hadn’t worn before, hid my hair in a woollen hat and put on the dissimulator that had been delivered.

All the while, I tuned out the æther. It would only remind me that Arcturus was here, and soon I would be hundreds of miles away from him. All that mattered was that he was safe.

Nick was in the medical room, his fingers clasped against his lips. I put my head around the door.

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