Page 110 of The Dark Mirror

‘I will think on it.’ Terebell swung on her coat. ‘In the meantime, concentrate on fighting the white aster, Underqueen. You will need your strength in the days to come.’

The door closed in her wake.

17

WHITE FLOWER

I had never expected to be left alone with Arcturus this soon. It gave me no time to armour myself. Before Italy, the last time we had seen each other had been when he was possessed. My skin warmed as if with a sudden fever. I felt my heart like a moth in my throat.

‘I am glad to see you alive, Paige.’

He spoke with his usual soft courtesy.

‘Same for you,’ I said. ‘You had us worried there.’

‘So I heard.’

In the silence that followed, my nerve almost failed me. In Paris, we had grown as close as a bird to its wing, but so much had happened to us since then, and I didn’t know how to start fixing it. His grip on the cord seemed firmer today, which only deepened my disquiet.

I hated feeling this way around him. He was my confidant, yet now he was back, I couldn’t find the words.

‘Lesath told me how I came to be here,’ Arcturus said. ‘It was you who realised where I was imprisoned. You who swam into the dark to find me. You who saved me from sequestration.’

‘I wasn’t alone,’ I said. ‘As for the last one, I really have no idea how I did it.’

‘You should not be surprised by your strength. I never am.’

Those words gave me pause and lifted my gaze. His eyes burned on the lowest flame.

‘I understand Eléonore Cordier took you to Wroclaw,’ he said, ‘but you do not know why.’ I shook my head. ‘She was dosing you with white aster for six months.’

‘I hit whiteout,’ I said. ‘Verca broke it with blue aster. I’ve been taking the odd dose, but it’s only helping so much.’

‘Your spirit is no longer at ease. It is no way to live,’ he said. ‘As I told you in Paris, I believe it is possible to undo the amnesia caused by white aster, but I have never attempted it. You may find it taxing. If you would like to eat or rest before we begin, I am happy to wait.’

‘You don’t have to do this, Arcturus. Not if you’re not up to it.’

‘I have the means to alleviate your discomfort. It behoves me to use it,’ he said. ‘Terebell is right. You will not be able to hunt Fitzours in this state. And it would be useful to know if my separation from the æther has affected my gift as much as it has affected my body.’

I didn’t argue. We both knew I couldn’t go on like this, and he was the only one who could end it.

‘Lesath left a small amount of salvia.’ He reached for a pouch on the table. ‘I will prepare it.’

It took him a while to stand up. He was already in so much pain from the scars, and now this.

‘Arcturus.’ I started to rise. ‘I can do it.’

‘No need. Thank you.’

After a moment, I sank back into my seat, letting him go. He went into the kitchen and filled the kettle.

It had been months since he had last seen my memories. The last time had been in Edinburgh. Before that, he had ordered me to take salvia in Magdalen, so he could pry into my past.

Not his finest hour. He had needed to be sure that he could trust me to mount a rebellion. It had still been a violation, and I knew he regretted it.

I had come to understand his reasons. In the end, I had forgiven him. He and I were trespassers, with keys that no one should begranted. My gift compromised the body, and his, the secret vaults of the mind. There was no hidden truth an oneiromancer could not bring to light.

‘Paige,’ he said, ‘what do you last remember?’

---