Page 100 of Nothing Breaks Like A Heart

I started at that piece of information, remembering the odd bouquet I'd found on her grave on one of my visits. "Did you bring her flowers?"

"Lilies. They were her favorite after forget-me-nots. I couldn't bring her forget-me-nots, because she did all she could to forget me. And I couldn't blame her."

"How could you blame her? You deserted her when she was at her most vulnerable."

"It wasn't exactly like that. Sarah left me before she knew she was pregnant. We had a very short affair. I couldn't give her what she wanted."

"Because you didn't love her, or because you loved your wife's money more? Bennett told me Paula invested in the company and that you could never leave her without losing a lot of money."

"I did love your mother, but I also cared about my wife and my son," he said. "I had no idea Bennett would grow up to be a monster. He was a toddler then."

"Did my mom ask you to leave your wife?"

"No. Sarah felt guilty for getting together with me in the first place. We got swept away by a passion neither of us expected to feel. We knew it was wrong, and we were only going to hurt each other the longer we stayed together."

I frowned, not sure if I should believe what he was telling me. "When my mom told you she was pregnant, what happened? Did you suggest an abortion?"

"It wasn't like that. We talked about options. I said I would pay for whatever she needed to end the pregnancy or to continue it, but that I couldn't publicly confirm your existence. That was a dealbreaker."

"Because that would have ended your marriage and maybe your business."

"Yes. And Sarah knew that."

I was a little surprised he wasn't trying to sugarcoat his actions. "Well, at least you're not lying."

"I'm telling you the truth. I assumed Sarah had decided to terminate the pregnancy and had paid for it herself, because I never heard from her again."

"She would have had too much pride to beg for scraps from a man who didn't want to acknowledge her or her child." I was beginning to understand my mother's choices a little better.

"That's what she told me when I ran into her twelve years later at the Christmas Tree Lighting at Rockefeller Center."

"Rockefeller Center?" I echoed. "That was our big trip to New York. She wanted to show me a white Christmas. You were there, too?"

"I was with Paula and Bennett. I went to get them hot chocolates and coffee, and there she was. You were standing next to her in line. I looked at you and I just knew you were my daughter, that she'd had my child. Before I could say anything, you went to look at the tree, and then Sarah turned and saw me."

"Did you speak to each other?"

"We did. She confirmed what I'd already guessed. She also told me that while you carried my blood, you weren't my daughter, and you never would be. It wasn't only because she wanted it that way; it was because I wanted it that way. And she dared me to say she was wrong."

My body tightened as I asked, "What did you say?"

"I told her that if I had known about you, I would have supported you. And I was willing to do that going forward."

"You were talking about financially and nothing else." It wasn't a question because I already knew the answer.

"I was," he admitted. "Sarah told me she didn't need my support, and she didn't want someone in her daughter's life who couldn't love her the way she should be loved. She didn't want you to feel less than Bennett. She didn't want you to be a secret. As far as you knew, your father was dead, and she wanted it to stay that way. The two of you had a great life, and I needed to keep out of it. Then she walked away, and I never saw her again."

"What about me? At some point, I grew up. I turned twenty-one. I was my own person. You could have tried to see me."

"I would have been taking a risk."

"That I would tell Paula or Bennett who I was?"

"Yes. But I also wanted to respect your mother's wishes."

I shook my head, not buying that reason at all. "That's not why you did it. You wanted to keep me a secret to protect your business, your marriage, and your reputation. It was all about you."

"Well, I already admitted that, didn't I?" He gave me a small smile. "You are your mother's daughter, Lauren. Sarah was strong and independent, determined to live life on her terms. And you're as brave as she was. I saw that on the island more than once. To be completely honest, you were probably better off being raised by your mother than me. I didn't do a good job with my son, that's for sure."

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