Page 58 of Nothing Breaks Like A Heart

I found energy I didn't know I had and started kicking and clawing at the water. There was a dim light above me. That had to be the surface. It felt like an eternity before my head broke free, and I sucked in a gasping breath—only for a wave to crash over me, pulling me under again.

When I came back up, the saltwater burned my eyes and throat, and I coughed and gagged, struggling to stay afloat. My arms and legs were already aching from my previous injuries as well as the cold and the effort of treading water. But I had to keep going.

As a wave bounced me higher on the sea, I finally had a chance to look around. To my horror, I saw the yacht at least a hundred yards away from me, if not more. Reality hit me hard. I was in the middle of the freaking ocean alone, and no one knew I was there.

Panic threatened to overwhelm me, so I started swimming but quickly realized there was no way I could catch the boat. Then I started screaming, trying to wave my hands. But I didn't think anyone could see me.

The truth hit me hard.I was going to die!

I could tread water but for how long? The waves were crushing. It was so cold, and I was already exhausted. I took a rest for a second, trying to float on my back so I had a minute to regroup, to get my strength back. As I looked up at the blue sky and felt the almost blinding sun on my face, I felt like I was hallucinating, because there was my mom's face right in front of me, her beautiful dark hair so much like mine. Some said we had the same smile, but I'd always thought hers was bigger, better. She was smiling at me now.

"I'm coming to see you," I said. "I didn't think it would be this soon."

"It can't be this soon," she told me. "You have more to do, Lauren, more life to live. You have to keep fighting."

"It won't matter. The boat is gone. They must not know I went overboard." I paused, thinking about that.Did someone push me? Did I fall?I remembered being dizzy and off-balance, but I couldn't remember now exactly what had happened. It was all a dark blur. I closed my eyes, thinking maybe this was fine. I could just go to sleep and be with my mom again.

"Lauren, open your eyes," my mother said. "Don't give up. I did not raise you to be a quitter. Remember what I always told you?"

I opened my eyes and saw her face again. "You said other people give up, other people leave, but not us, we never stop. We never quit. That's why you fought to the end."

"I wanted so badly to stay with you," she said.

"I miss you so much."

"I'm with you now, Lauren. I'm going to get you through this."

"How? I can't swim to shore. I can't even see the shore."

"They'll come back for you."

"It might be too late by then. I'm so cold and tired. It's been an awful few days. I don't think I married the right person. In fact, I'm not sure I even know who he is."

"Then you'll find out when you get back on the boat. You can do this. Youhaveto fight."

"We could be together now, Mom. That wouldn't be so bad, would it?"

"It would be the worst thing in the world, because I love you so much, and I want you to have a life. You have so much more to live for. I want you to have children and grandchildren. I want you to experience all life has to offer. As for Andrew, you'll figure that out. But you have to give yourself a chance to do that. Come on, Lauren, swim."

I was getting numb from the cold, and as another wave dunked me under for a second, I didn't think I had it in me to keep trying, but when I resurfaced, my mom's face was still there. She was yelling at me now, her voice getting louder and louder. She kept calling my name.

And then I realized it wasn’t just her voice—it was lots of voices, echoing across the sea.

The yacht had turned around. It was coming back in my direction. I saw people on the top deck, more on the swim platform. They were yelling my name over and over again.

It wasn't over yet!

I came off my back, kicking hard with my legs as I tried to lift my arms in the air. I screamed as hard as I could, even though it felt like the wind was throwing my voice back at me. But thankfully, the yacht kept coming closer and closer. The people were getting bigger, the voices louder. And then I heard a shout. I saw a deckhand on the swim platform. He grabbed some sort of ring and jumped into the water, followed by another guy.

I tried to swim toward them, but I couldn't get far. I was so tired, so weighted down.

Another man jumped off the platform and into the water. It wasn't a deckhand. I thought it might be Andrew.

It felt like forever, but it was probably only minutes before the first swimmer reached me. He put the ring over my head and pulled my arms up over the sides of it so I was held aloft, and it felt like a miracle to have something holding me up.

The second deckhand reached us next, helping the other pull me toward the boat. We'd gone only a few feet when Andrew appeared in front of me, treading water. He looked absolutely terrified, his face grim, his eyes wide.

"Oh, my God, Lauren," he said. "I can't believe this happened."

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