She wanted Takeshi to agree with her, however stupid that notion was. She wanted someone, anyone, tolisten.
“We are not the same.” He trapped her beneath his relentless stare. “When I enter fights, Kanes, I end them. Did you think you would win?”
Khalani hesitated. She wasn’t thinking about winning. All she wanted was to hurt Dana the same way she’d been hurt. Even if it killed her.
He saw the answer in her eyes.
“My point exactly.” He leaned back. “You are careless with your life. If you didn’t let emotions cloud your judgment, you wouldn’t be lying here.”
She stared at the opaque white covers, wishing to disappear into their depths. She couldn’t look at him anymore because he was right. Takeshi saw too much. Exposed her deepest flaws as if her mind was a script.
She was careless with her life because, in her mind, it didn’t matter anyway. Everything was already lost. She was close to taking matters into her own hands and ending it in Braderhelm. Many times.
But something always stopped her.
A small but persistent voice. And the more she talked with Winnie, the louder it became. As if the echoes of the many who’d died before her shouted their dissent in bombastic fashion.
Telling her to wake up.
Wake up.
“Kanes?” Takeshi asked softly, interrupting her thoughts.
“Yeah?”
His magnetic eyes captured hers, and she was lost in a sea of black. She felt the weight of his ire, the air around him charged with an almost palpable heat. But there was a subtle shift in his gaze as he studied her. “For what it’s worth, even though I think what you did was stupid, you showed courage down there.”
The compliment startled her, and she straightened.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “Not necessarily weak. Just irrational, illogical, and ill-tempered.”
She rolled her eyes. “And you only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.”
The corner of his lip lifted, and she gasped. “I didn’t know the Captain of Braderhelm was capable of smiling.”
“Looking at your face in this state has improved my sense of humor.”
Takeshi’s grim expression returned, but for a moment, the hostility in the air eased as if a strange peace resided in their mutual disdain for one another. After a few seconds in comfortable silence, his calm demeanor dissipated. Takeshi’s forehead creased as he stared at her.
“I should get going.” He stood, his expression hardening and his voice devoid of warmth. His energy grew distant, as if he were a thousand miles away instead of just a few feet.
Khalani frowned as he adjusted the weapons around his waist.
It was like Captain Steele and Takeshi were two different people, one ready to inflict pain and the other a quiet mystery. But both were trained killers, able to dominate every opponent.
Her eyes flared, an idea setting in. “Can I ask you something?”
Takeshi was immediately suspicious. “What?”
“Everyone saw me lose that fight. Some people—certainly Dana—will think I’m an easy target now, right?”
He paused. “Possibly.”
“I want to be prepared to face anything and not find myself back here again.”
She had been tossed, flung through the air, and pummeled into submission so often that torment became the only constant in her life. She clung to the pain, holding it close until it became a part of her identity. Khalani was so damaged that she mistrusted those who didn’t hurt her. But a shift was occurring. The deep-seated anger was evolving, urging her to regain control and fight back.