Page 105 of An Indecent Longing

“You don’t find anything…appealing about being unable to move, not even if you struggle?”

“No…but you do, don’t you?”

Risa looked away, as if embarrassed. Dorrie had never seen her sister embarrassed about anything.

“Hey.” Dorrie grabbed Risa’s hand when she didn’t answer and continued to stare at the wall. “Nothing you can say will ever make me think less of you. You know that, right?”

Risa looked back at her now, her gaze narrowed. “Do you ever just want to throw your hands in the air and say fuck it, I’m done? Just take me and tie me up and make me come until I can’t scream anymore?”

“Honestly? No. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want that.” Dorrie paused, waiting for Risa to say something. When she didn’t, Dorrie tugged on her hand. “Do you seriously think I would judge you for that?”

Shaking her head, Risa squeezed Dorrie’s hand. “No. Of course not. It’s just…”

“Just what?” Another pause. “Ris, come on. After last night, do you really think I’m going to say anything other than, if it makes you happy and doesn’t do any harm, why don’t you go for it?”

“Because if anyone found out, it wouldn’t be me I’d be worried about.”

“You’re talking about Blank, aren’t you?”

A longer pause this time. “Maybe…not just Blank.”

Dorrie didn’t think her eyes could widen any more. “What?”

“Maybe you’re not the only one who has feelings for two men.”

“I thought…I mean, I only knew you had feelings for Blank because you told me. You never seem interested in anyone. Are you going to tell me who?”

Risa shook her head. “It’s never going to go anywhere. And if I say it out loud, I’ll have to deal with the fact that I’ll never have what I want.”

Dorrie wanted to press but Risa looked heartsick, an expression she’d never seen on her sister’s face before.

“Oh Ris—”

“No.” Risa held up her free hand and clutched tighter at Dorrie’s with the other. “I don’t want to talk about it. At all. I can’t.”

The pain in Risa’s voice made Dorrie’s heart hurt in sympathy but she totally understood. Still…

“I’ve never known you to give up on something you want. It’s just not who you are.”

“And sometimes you have to know when to give up and find another obsession.”

Dorrie didn’t know what to say to that.

“Now,” Risa continued. “You have a phone call to return. And I think you might be stalling.”

Maybe. Probably. “I’m not sure having and losing them is any better than never having them.”

Risa studied her closely. “Are your feelings for them that serious?”

She shook her head. “It’s only been two days.”

Her sister’s eyebrows rose. “You’ve been lusting after Ian for months.”

“Yes, but…”

“But what?”

“I can’t let myself fall that hard because I’m not sure I could pick up the pieces when it all falls apart.”

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