Page 186 of The Charlie Method

Charlie stays quiet, her gaze locked on mine, urging me to continue.

“What do you want me to say here, sugar puff?” I take a deep breath, my chest constricting at the memories. “We had plans. We were supposed to go to college together. We talked about moving in, starting this whole new life. I thought she was my future.”

“You must’ve been devastated when she ended it.”

I shrug again, my shoulders bumping the pillow.

“And I imagine there’s a lot of trust issues now. You’re scared to let anyone else in, right? You’re worried if you do, you’ll get cheated on again.”

“Actually, I’m not.” I give a wry chuckle. “I don’t ascribe someone else’s bad behavior on every new person I meet. I don’t see cheaters now everywhere I look.”

“But you’re afraid of getting hurt.”

“I guess. I don’t know. It’s like…there’s this wall around me now, and I can’t let anyone in. Not completely.”

“Not even me?”

“Especially not you,” I say roughly. “Because you deserve someone who can be there for you completely. Someone like Will. Larsen’s boyfriend material from head to toe.”

“Will’s amazing,” she agrees. “But so are you. You’re more than you think you are. You’re sweet and caring and protective. You’re boyfriend material too, whether you believe it or not.”

“I’m not. I’m not cut out for the deeper shit. And I don’t want to drag you down with me.”

“You’re not dragging me down. You’re lifting me up. Both of you are. Look at what you did for me tonight. I don’t think I’ve ever had a panic attack like that before, and you guys sat there with me, helped me breathe, and then made me forget.”

My heart squeezes when I remember how vulnerable she’d looked earlier. Scared. The tears streaking her cheeks. But she’s wrong. Will was the one who talked her down. Will was the one who told her he loved her.

And me? I just stood there. Mute.

I chew on the inside of my cheek, hesitating. “Will said he loved you.”

“I know. And…I said it back. Before I came in your room.”

I nod in the darkness. I want to say something, but the words stick in my throat.

“Beckett,” she whispers, her hand finding mine under the covers. “I love you too.”

The room seems to shrink. I can’t draw any oxygen into my lungs. She loves me. I knew it, deep down, but hearing her say it… It cracks something open inside me, my chest swelling with emotion.

For a moment, I can’t speak. I want to believe her, want to let myself fall into what Charlie and I have, what the three of us have, but the fear is still there, gnawing at the edges of my resolve.

I swallow. “I…I can’t say it back.”

“Why not?”

I shake my head, feeling like the worst person alive. “It’s not that I don’t feel something. I just—” I stop talking, my muscles tensing. I can’t fucking do this. “I can’t say it.”

Her fingers tighten around mine. “But do you feel it?”

Do I feel it? Yeah, of course I do. I’ve been falling for her for months. But saying it out loud feels like stepping onto a tightrope with no safety net.

She waits, and when I don’t answer, she asks again. “Do you feel it, Beckett?”

“I don’t know.”

That’s a lie. I know. But admitting it means letting her in. Fully. Letting her see all the parts of myself that I’m not ready to expose.

Silence stretches between us. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, louder than it should be.

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