Page 142 of The Charlie Method

I sag into his chest, enjoying how warm and solid he feels.

“God, I’m so tired of this,” I blurt out.

Will’s hand freezes on the sole of my foot.

“No, not that.” I smile at him. “That feels divine. Don’t stop.”

Beckett plants a kiss on my neck. “Tired of what then?”

“Everything. My sorority, the stupid rules, keeping up appearances… all of it.”

“Then why do you keep doing it?”

“Because I have to,” I mumble into his shoulder. “Because everyone’s watching. Judging. And I hate it. I hate that I never get to feel free or fully alive. It’s like I’m always stuck in this box, doing what’s expected of me, playing the part everyone else wants me to play. And I never get to just…be.”

Will gives me a pensive look. “What would you do if you could? Just be, I mean? If there was nobody watching or judging, what’s one thing you’d love to do right now?”

The question catches me off guard. In a sense, I already know what I’d do. Because I already do it. I indulge in secret hookups with guys I have no business hooking up with. I race fast cars on a deserted track in the middle of the night. I don’t mind taking risks—hell, I crave them—as long I can do it away from prying eyes.

But what else?

I purse my lips. Pondering. What is something I’m dying to do that’s always been out of reach? Something that’s a little too risky, even for me?

“I’d go to a rave and get high,” I confess.

Beckett laughs against my hair. “Okay. I wasn’t expecting that. But…I’m listening.”

“There’s nothing deep about it. I’ve always wanted to go to a rave and take…I don’t know, molly or something. Something that makes me feel good. I want to dance all night and lose myself in the music. Just once.”

“So why don’t you?” Will asks. There’s no judgment in his eyes, only curiosity.

“Because it’s irresponsible. Potentially dangerous. And I’m too scared. I’ve never done a single drug before. I’m worried I might have a freak-out and there’ll be nobody to take care of me.”

Will squeezes my foot. “We’ll take care of you. If that’s something you seriously want to do, Beck and I will go with you.”

“Really?”

“Of course. We wouldn’t leave your side. You could do whatever you want and know that someone’s watching out for your safety.”

“We should try to go over the holidays,” Beckett suggests. “Maybe the weekend before the new semester starts. We don’t have any games that weekend.”

I’m touched by the offer. “You’re serious?”

“Dead serious,” he says, and Will nods his agreement. “You deserve to feel alive. To not hide who you are. You’re incredible, Charlie, and you shouldn’t have to keep that hidden.”

Temptation tickles my belly, but it’s still tethered by the fear of what could happen. “Maybe,” I say, not committing but not rejecting the idea either.

Beckett runs his fingertips down my bare arm. “Well, the offer’s there if you want to take us up on it.”

“Thank you.” I plant a tiny kiss on his chin, then meet Will’s eyes and smile at him.

For the first time all day, I feel like I can breathe again.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

CHARLOTTE

Smitten

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