I manage a nod. Maybe she’s right. Maybe this time, I won’t lose everything. It’s not going to be easy, though. I know it won’t. I know there are still parts of myself I’m not ready to share, wounds that haven’t fully healed. But I also know that I don’t want to lose Charlie. Or Will.
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
CHARLOTTE
I belong here
HARRISON’S BIRTHDAY FALLS ON AN UNUSUALLY WARMSATURDAY INmid-March. Somehow, the temperature rises ten degrees and all the snow melts three days before he arrives, as if the weather knows I desperately need a nice, sunny weekend with my brother.
But there’s no sunshine in Harrison’s eyes when he steps out of the airport toward the pickup area. I drove all the way to Logan Airport to collect him, and he barely gives me a smile.
His shoulders are hunched against the cold, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his worn-out jacket. He doesn’t look like someone who’s here to celebrate a birthday.
“Hi,” I say, trying to keep my voice light as I greet him with a hug. He stiffens slightly before giving in, wrapping his arms around me in a way that feels both familiar and distant. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks.”
“How was the flight?”
“Shitty.”
Awesome. This is off to a super fun start.
“So what’s the plan?” he asks once we’re in the front seat of my car.
I move the gearshift into drive. “I thought we would spend a couple hours outdoors. You could stretch your legs after that long flight, and I can breathe some real air. I’ve been locked up in the engineering lab all week,” I say ruefully.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
“Okay, great. There’s this trail I thought you’d like. It follows the river and has the prettiest lookouts.”
He nods, but the excitement I hoped to see isn’t there. We drive mostly in silence. I keep sneaking glances at him, searching for any sign that today might be different. That we might actually connect. But all I see is the same guarded expression he’s had since we first met.
This trail system is one of my favorites, located outside the city. I park in the free lot at the head of the trail.
“Ready?” I chirp at my dour-faced companion.
Harrison sighs, but he gets out of the car, shoving his hands into his pockets again as we start down the path.
The trees are bare, their branches reaching out like skeletons against the clear sky. It’s peaceful here, the kind of place where you can hear yourself think. I hope it’ll help us talk.
I hike my backpack higher on my shoulders and turn to smile at my brother. He doesn’t smile back.
The air on the trail smells like pine and earth, the pale sun warming our backs. I’ve been in the lab too much lately, and the clear, open sky feels like a gift today. The river current looks vicious, though, and I’m careful with my footing when we near a slope that’s still covered in some winter frost. I don’t want either of us slipping and tumbling into the water below.
I sneak a glance at Harrison. He’s quiet, staring ahead, barely reacting to the beauty around us. I try to fill the silence, chatting about whatever comes to mind.
“So how’s work going? You said you had a big project launching this week, right?”
“It’s fine,” he mutters, kicking a pebble along the trail.
Okay, then. I dig for more, hoping to get him talking. “Do you like your clients? Are they the picky kind or just let you do your thing?”
He shrugs. “It’s whatever.”
This is like pulling teeth. I let the silence stretch out, hoping he’ll open up if I give him space. But it drags on, thick and awkward, as we round a bend in the trail. Finally, I stop, turning to face him.
“Are you all right? You seem off.”