Page 87 of The Play

“Yes. Listen. What’s your girlfriend’s name?”

“Kaelin.”

“I think Kaelin has a point. If you truly view her on the same level as thegym, then she’s right to be upset. Kaelin is a human being, Roy. The gym is just a room full of machines.”

Behind me, Hunter howls.

I ignore him. “I think you need to examine your priorities,” I advise. “A rebound isn’t the right move for you. Granted, it’ll be a rebound with a ridiculously hot woman—”

“The hottest,” he agrees, and my ego takes comfort in that.

“But it’s not the right move,” I repeat.

He sips his beer. “What’s the right move then?”

“Calling Kaelin and asking her to get together and talk. And maybe actuallylistento what she’s telling you. She’s not trying to control you. She simply wants to be with you.” I really hope I’m not misinterpreting this, and that Kaelin didn’t dump him because he’s clearly in love with the gym, and I do mean in love in a sexual way. But heck, it warrants a conversation, seeing as how he’s obviously not over her.

“I know this is totally rude…” Roy reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a twenty-dollar bill, way too much money for two shitty beers. “But do you mind if I bail on you?”

“Absolutely not. Go get ’er, Tiger.” I accept the twenty. Might as well use it to buy me and Hunter a round.

Speaking of Hunter, he appears at my side the moment Roy disappears. “That was the craziest fucking date I’ve ever spied on,” he declares, his jaw half open.

“Tell me about it. Is this what it’s like to be back in the saddle? You just have to ride a bunch of donkeys?”

“Dude. First of all—the way that man was jacked, he’s a majestic steed, not a donkey.”

“And second of all?”

“Oh, I don’t have a second point.”

I sigh. “I can’t believe that just happened.”

“Well, you didn’t do yourself any favors by being such atherapist.”

“How is that a bad thing?”

“It is when you’re trying to hook up. You’re supposed to ride the man’s dick, Semi, not convince him to get back together with his girlfriend.”

“You’re right. I really do suck at this,” I moan.

Hunter pulls the Bud Light out of my hand and sets it on the table. “Let’s get this garbage out of the way. We willnotbe drinking Bud Light tonight.”

“We?”

“Your date bailed. I’m all you got, babe. I’ll go and grab us some actual beer.”

Hunter is gone all of three seconds before another guy approaches me. He has a shaved head, an oversized hoodie, and very white teeth.

“Hey, beautiful. Want some company?”

I’m about to say no, but he’s already sidling up beside me.

“What happened to your friend?” White Teeth asks.

“He’s getting our drinks. So if you don’t mind—”

He leans in closer, and I instinctively lean back. I don’t like it when people infringe on my space cushion.

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