Page 31 of The Play

Truthfully, I’m surprised he’s still in one piece. Drunken college guys aren’t exactly conducive to egg rearing.

“What’s up, Pablo?” I greet the egg. He doesn’t answer, because he’s not real, but hey, at least I’m trying to make an effort.

Captain handbook rule number a thousand:pick your battles.

“Who’s playing egg mom today?” I ask.

“Con. But he just went upstairs with some chick, so we’re waiting for the right moment.” Matt settles on the couch.

I flop down on the other end. “The right moment for what?”

Matt and Foster exchange evil grins. “For feeding time. Pablo is about to be hungry as fuck.”

Gavin snorts without looking away from the TV screen.

I stifle a sigh. According to my sources, things have escalated since last week. Jesse Wilkes texted me yesterday bitching about how the other guys wouldn’t stop calling him when he was out with Katie. It’s officially become a game to inconvenience the egg carrier as much as possible.

“How long’s it been?” Alec asks, his fingers moving like lightning over the game controller.

“Only about ten minutes,” Foster replies. “They’re probably still on foreplay.”

“Hers,” Gavin guesses.

“Or he’s getting blown,” Matt counters.

They all go quiet for a moment.

“Nah,” Foster finally says, raising his beer to his lips. “He goes down on her first, then she blows him, then they fuck. That’s the order of sex.”

I start to laugh. “Oh really? Is that what the manual says?”

Matt snickers.

“That’s the order I do it in,” Alec chimes in. “Why? What doyoudo?”

“I don’t fucking know. I don’t chart out my sexual encounters like I’m exploring undiscovered islands in the Maldives.” I roll my eyes. “There’s no set order. You just see how it plays out.”

“It always plays out the same way,” Alec says stubbornly.

“It’s true,” Foster agrees. “Usually goes that way for me, too.”

“Huh. Weird.” When I think back on past hook-ups, they’re honestly different every time.

Sometimes we stumble into my room and she’s on her knees with my dick in her mouth before I can blink. Once I was with a girl who wanted to kiss for all of three seconds before she turned around and offered me her ass, ordering me to screw her from behind. Longer sessions have begun with me kissing every inch of their bodies, or vice versa. Sometimes we even start with sex and end with foreplay.

“I don’t know what you guys are doing, but I can’t find a pattern in my hook-ups,” I admit.

“Maybe it’s a girlfriend thing,” Foster suggests. “I dated the same chick all throughout high school and I’m using her as my point of reference.”

“Three years with Sasha for me,” Alec says with a nod, referring to his current girlfriend.

“Oh, it’s definitely a girlfriend thing,” Matt confirms. “Like, with Jesse. He and Katie have the most predictable sex life ever. When we were rooming together in the dorms last year, every time they put that stupid sock on the door I knew they’d need exactly forty-seven minutes to bang. I could probably plot out the exact time of orgasm.”

“Sounds kinda boring.” Although maybe having sex withsomeone you’re madly in love with feels different somehow? I have no idea. I had a few girlfriends in high school, but none of them were everthe one.

“Okay. It’s been twenty-one minutes,” Foster announces. “He’s either balls deep right now or she’s got her mouth full. Either way, the dick is in play. I repeat, the dick is in play.”

“You jackasses are the worst. As team captain, I should stop this,” I warn.

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