Page 130 of The Goal

My body still feels weird and not my own. The capillaries in my eyes burst during labor, so I look demonic, all red-eyed and wild hair. I could give Helena Bonham Carter a run for her weird, crazy money. My tummy is still large and round—only now it’s squishy and soft. My breasts have grown to enormous, comical sizes.

It’s a good thing I can’t have sex for six weeks. I can’t even look at my post-partum shape without flinching, let alone wantTuckerto look at it.

“You still doing the breastfeeding thing? I always used formula, and both you and your mama turned out fine.” Nana eyes me expectantly asI join her in the living room.

“They’ve said it’s the best.”

“Hmmmph. I may’ve read something like that inPeople.Well, you should probably feed the poor tyke then.”

She hands the baby over, and I carefully tuck Jamie against my chest and carry her to my bedroom. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I lift up one side of my shirt, holding it against my chest with my chin, and then lift Jamie up to my boob. She roots around like a little animal until she finds the nipple. Thankfully, she latches on.

I sigh with relief and scoot backward on the mattress until my shoulders hit the wall. The lactation consultant warned me that breastfeeding is hard as fuck—well, she didn’t use those words exactly, but that was the gist—so I’m grateful that this is going okay for now.

Picking up my phone, I one-hand type a couple of texts.

Me: I’m home.

Hope: When can I come over?

Carin: NO!!!!!!! I haven’t finished the booties. Go back to the hospital!

Me: You sound like Tucker. He didn’t want to leave either.

Carin: Listen to your BB daddy.

Hope: She’s not going back to the hospital bc you’re not done knitting. Hospitals only keep you 2 days for a V birth. How are you feeling?

Me: Tired. Scared. Tucker told me he loved me at the hospital.

Hope: OMG.

Carin: OMG.

Hope: What’d you say?

Carin: She said she doesn’t believe in love, right?

I stick out my tongue at the phone.

Me: I pretended I didn’t hear him.

Hope: OMG.

Carin: See!

Hope: That’s the worst.

Is it, though? Is it really?

Me: It was an emotional time. Not holding him to it.

Hope: You’re dumb. I’m ending my friendship with you.

Carin: She’s being unselfish.

Me: Thank you, C.

Hope: You’re still dumb.

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