Page 2 of All That She Needs

"She kept refusing you?" Jake asked.

"Yes. She was firm and unyielding, and no amount of groveling could change her mind." I had done everything I could, everything I could think of, but Vanessa remained firm in her decision. She refused to have anything to do with me. There were no words to describe how it destroyed me, how the pain was so overwhelming that I was barely functioning. I was barely living. She broke my fucking heart to pieces. I spent days, weeks, weeping and grieving, struggling to come to terms with the fact that she truly left me.

"Will you ever leave your wife for her?"

I lifted my head, meeting his gaze. The question was heavy and loaded, but I always knew my answer. There was never even a shadow of doubt. "No," I said quietly. "I know I'm a selfish fuck. But I want them both. I couldn't live without my wife. I'm certain I wouldn't survive if she ever left me. She is my rock. She's my soul." I took a deep breath. My emotions, my guilt, left me feeling drained and exhausted. "But Vanessa... she's my escape. My fantasy. She's made me feel alive in a way I hadn't in years. She brought out a side of me I didn't even know existed, a side that gave me a spark of euphoria, and I wasn't ready to let go yet. So, when she left me, a part of me died with it. It left me empty."

"Did your wife know?" Jake asked, his voice careful but thick with curiosity.

My head dropped into my hands, feeling like the worst person in the world. My elbows rested on the counter, and I could feel them trembling slightly as I tried to steady myself. "I think she knows." It was a thought that haunted me constantly. The way Asha would look at me sometimes, there was sadness in her eyes that spoke a million unasked questions and unspoken fears. She never confronted me, never demanded answers, but there was a part of me that knew—knew she sensed something had changed, that something had happened to me, something I was keeping from her. I was heartbroken over another woman, and my pain was laid bare right in front of her eyes. It was the worst kind of betrayal I could never explain or justify. The guilt kept gnawing at me. That made it hard to meet her gaze, to hold her close, to be passionate with her, without feeling like I was betraying her in the worst way.

And yet, she remained unwavering. She stayed with me patiently, holding on to a love that I was so cruelly tearing apart. Because even in my blatant selfishness, in my careless infidelity, she still loved me. Even though it made the guilt sharper, cutting me deeper, it didn't stop me from continuously hurting her. I ignored her, my wife, for almost two decades, to pursue another woman. I was deep in denial, thinking that what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Worse, the idiot in me thought that, somehow, I could have them both.

"I never confessed to her," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "I don't think I could ever tell her the truth. It's been one hundred days since I stopped pursuing Vanessa. I walked away completely. I finally did it—I finally broke free of my addiction. That's why I'm here. I'm celebrating my goddamn victory."

I paused; the relief of that decision tempered by the lingering ache it left behind. "I thought that once I ended it, I'dbe able to move on. I'd forget about her. But the truth is, I still think about her all the time. She's still in my mind, constantly haunting me, like a ghost that fucking refuses to leave." I sighed, resigned to the defeat that I could never remove her from my mind. "I still miss her so much. It's like this powerful, overwhelming longing that relentlessly hits me from the inside, and sometimes, it is so painful, I feel like I'm about to die from it."

"How did you do it?" Jake asked. "Letting her go completely."

"I reminded myself how much I love Asha—my wife, the woman who has stood by me through everything. I thought about my kids, who mean the world to me. I kept telling myself how much I would lose if I kept pursuing Vanessa, how it would all come crashing down if I didn't stop. I had to force myself to weigh the importance of my family against the pull she had on me."

I paused, struggling to put the inner conflict into words. "That darkness inside me that constantly demands to be fed, I had to fucking kill it. I had to suffocate it, to bury it, because I couldn't let it destroy everything else that was important to me."

"Is she really gone from your life?" Jake asked.

"Yes." The pain of letting her go was a slow, relentless ache that I carried with me, something that had been eating me alive every day.

Jake leaned in slightly, his tone serious as he asked, "Do you think nobody around you has noticed?"

"Except for Asha, I have to believe they haven't," I said, desperate for it to be true. "I have no choice but to believe it."

"I hate to break it to you, man, but if I—someone you just met a few hours ago—could tell how broken you are, don't you think they've noticed too?"

His words hit me like a punch in the gut. Jake was right. I had been so focused on keeping up appearances, so determined to hide my pain, that I hadn't considered the possibility that the people closest to me could see through the mask. If a stranger like Jake could see it, then surely my wife, my kids, would have noticed the cracks, too.

Fear and worry gripped me. How much had they seen? I thought I had hidden everything, but was it possible that maybe it was painfully obvious to everyone? Moments with my wife and kids from the past weeks and months replayed in my mind, now clouded by the worry that they had noticed more than I ever intended. Had my silence caused them more pain? The thought that they might have figured it out on their own weighed heavily on me.

Jake's eyes softened, as if he understood the sudden, gripping fear that sent chills down my spine. "You can't hide from the people who know you best. No matter how hard you try, they'll see it. I believe they already have. But remember, you let Vanessa go for them. So, make sure they never feel like they're the ones to blame."

Part 2: Aiden

I left the bar with Jake's parting words weighing heavily on my mind. I couldn't shake what he had said, something that had never occurred to me before. Was I completely ignorant of what my family was feeling? Kayden, my sixteen-year-old son—he was old enough to make his own conclusions. And Chloe, at fourteen, was sensitive and perceptive, always attuned to the emotions of those around her. It was very possible that they had noticed something.

I tried really hard to remember if they had ever said or suggested that something was wrong. But I was so caught up in my own suffering that I couldn't see anything else. My pain had blinded me, that I may have failed to notice the subtle signs they might have given. Knowing that I might have been too focused on my own problems to notice them only made me feel even guiltier than before.

When I entered my bedroom, it was already 2 a.m. The room was quiet; the only sound was the soft hum of the air conditioning. I settled into the couch in the corner of the room, under the big arched window, the one Asha always favored when she had the time to lose herself in a book. From here, I could watch her as she slept, listening to her steady, peaceful breathing.

My mind wandered, inevitably drawing comparisons between the two women who had so profoundly shaped my life. It was a habit I couldn't break, silently measuring them against each other in my thoughts.

Asha, with her natural elegance and confidence, was the strongest, the smartest person I knew. Her success came from that strength, yet she was never pretentious, even with her stunning beauty. She had an almost ethereal look, setting her a little apart from the rest of us. She was tall and slender, with milky white skin that somehow always seemed to glow. Her light blonde hair was always set in natural loose waves above her shoulders, perfectly framing her oval-shaped face. Her green eyes had a sharp, knowing look that could pierce right through you, making you feel exposed, as if she could see right through you. Asha had the kindest heart, even though she often appeared cold and indifferent. She was honest and as real as they came—fierce, but to the people she was most comfortable with, she could be endearingly hilarious.

Vanessa was petite and curvy, with naturally tanned skin and inky black, long, wavy hair that was unruly most of the time. It endlessly frustrated her, which I always found so amusing. She was soft and squeezable everywhere, and I helplessly couldn't keep my hands off her. Her warm, golden eyes would look at you like you were her entire world, like you were the only person she saw. She had a gentle and delicate way about her that made you want to keep her safe from any harm, and she was always cheerful and spontaneous, which I found very charming, like a bright sunbeam breaking through a cloudy sky.

Everything about Vanessa was a stark contrast to Asha's, though both women commanded attention in their own right. Their ways of doing so were distinctly different. While Asha was born to conquer and lead the world, Vanessa was born to serve, to be a source of support and light, rather than to lead.

Asha proved her capabilities when she became CEO of one of the world's largest steel companies, starting from nothing and climbing steadily to the top through hard work. My path wasdifferent. I inherited my position. My father and grandfather built the company's foundation long before I took over. As the sole heir, I ended up leading one of the biggest agricultural companies in the world, not by earning it, but by inheritance.

My father's admiration for Asha was clear, especially in the way he spoke about her achievements—an admiration that often felt like a silent critique of my own accomplishments. He had clearly acknowledged her success, and to be honest, I couldn't argue with him. If I were in Asha's shoes, starting from nothing and rising to where she is today, I wasn't sure I would have had the same success.

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