Page 62 of A Game Of Love

Anger and jealousy swirl around inside me. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m getting up from the chair and padding across the cold cement towards the pool house.

With each step closer, my heart races faster. A cold sweat breaks out along my body, anticipation killing me with what I’m about to find on the other side of this door.

Chest rising and falling quickly, I grab the handle, my knuckles going white with how hard my grip is.

Tonight was good. It was normal. And as mad as I am with Bishop, I made sure not to let it interfere with the time we were spending together.

Lilly was at school all day, then she had plans to go to Bishop’s parents’ place. I missed her, and the craving to be near her was strong.

But I respected the fact that everything can’t be about her and me.

Doesn’t mean I didn’t hate every moment she was alone with him and his parents, playing a happy little couple.

It felt weird knowing I wasn’t there. I should have been. I’ve always been.

Part of me wishes he asked me to come along, but I understand why he didn’t. He wanted this time with Lilly, a kind of meet the parents thing despite them knowing Lilly as long as they’ve known me.

I’m jealous that they’re so open about it, that they can be so carefree together.

I want that with Lilly. It’s what I’ve wanted for so damn long. She says we can have it, and I want to believe her, but it’s hard to think that anything could be so easy.

Going about your day with a boyfriend who’s been your friend for years is one thing, add in your stepbrother, who you’ve been equally, if not more, bonded to, is another.

Lilly isn’t afraid of what others will think. I get that. I understand and accept that now.

But it’s just not that easy for me.

I’ve gone years obsessing over her, craving her with this desperate need that was soul-consuming. The mere thought of another man’s hands on her literally sent me into violent rages.

I’d channel all that negative energy into the fights I’d sign up for. It was enough of a controlled environment that it was a good enough solution for me. The only one I knew at the time.

Now that I don’t have that outlet anymore, I have to find new ways to cope.

My mind has been a mess this past week. Hell, it hasn’t even been a full week since I found out about the two of them, yet it’s somehow felt like years. How does that work? Each day drags on, and I feel like I’m on this tight deadline to figure my shit out when it comes to this whole dynamic, or I’ll lose her.

Knowing that I’m out of chances with Lilly is the only thing that’s kept me together.

I’m trying really fucking hard. I’m taking my meds, I’ve had a few phone sessions with my therapist, and I have an in-person appointment scheduled for next week.

Learning to cope with and manage my condition is my main goal. I’m doing all the right things.

Yet, in moments like this, I feel like it’s all washed away.

I don’t want to be the guy who reacts with anger and violence. Who loses his mind by hitting first and asking questions later.

It’s not that easy when you’re in moments like this. It’s a struggle to remember to keep your cool, to breathe, and to pull yourself out of the situation that triggers you.

And here I am, walking right into the thick of it.

I should turn around, head back inside the house, and go to bed.

Like that’s going to fucking happen.No way in hell I’d be able to just close my eyes and pretend I don’t know what’s going on behind this door.

Knowing better, I still turn the knob and slowly push it open.

The sounds of their pleasure increase, loud in my ears as skin slaps against skin. Sweat and cum hit my nose, the smell of sex potent in the air.

With a thundering heart, my eyes adjust to the darkness, landing on their moving forms on the bed.

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