Page 32 of A Game Of Love

It’s new for all of us, so I guess time will tell.

I still haven’t told Bee that Toby and I made things official just yet. Part of me feels like she’s going to chew me out for it. I know I’m stupid. I should have made him grovel more, work his ass off before we took that next step, and blah, blah, blah. Any girl would call me stupid for giving in so easily.

But here's the thing: I don’t want to make him do all of that. As misguided as his reasoning was, in his mind, he was doing what he thought was right.

The way he acted towards me, he thought he was protecting me.

Why would I punish him more when he’s already been punishing himself for years?

So, if you're looking for an epic, over-the-top, long, drawn-out, make-him-pay grovel, you're not going to get that here.

That doesn’t mean I don’t expect him to show me that he’s changed, to show me what I mean to him.

He’s already started doing that this past week.

I’ve waited too long to have that man be mine in every way I’ve dreamed of. I’m not waiting another day.

I’m also hoping now that we’ve crossed that line, it will help with his healing, and he’ll see that he is worthy of me and being in my life.

I don’t care about what anyone else thinks about me, my life, or who I love.

But Toby does. Because he doesn’t want people to look at me the wrong way or for me to become the source of the town’s gossip.

He doesn’t know that I know all the things people said about me in high school. How they thought it was creepy that I followed Toby around all the time. Or how it was gross that his sister wanted to fuck him.Insert eye roll here.

The thing is, I didn’t care about the dirty looks or the nasty whispers.

Because at the end of the day, I had the guy who was my everything. My protector, my best friend, my soul mate. He was mine.

Nothing they said would have changed that. And it didn’t. They said what they said, did what they did, but Toby was still with me all the time.

When we were home, we were glued at the hip.

Until we weren't. Until his mental illness—one I had no idea about—took over his life and ruined everything.

I don’t hate the man, I hate the illness.

Even so, I still love him. I’ll always love him. The ups, the downs, and the in-betweens because he will always be Toby.

“Do it? Girl, have you seen how packed the damn laundry room is all of the time? The only time I’d get a chance to do it would be in the middle of the night, and you know I need my sleep.”

“Boy, do I ever.” I laugh, not bothering to hide my amusement. “Why don’t you just bring it to your parents' place and wash it there? That's what Bishop does.”

She pauses, blinks a few times, then looks over at me. “Well, fuck. Why didn’t I think about that?”

“I don’t know, babe.” I laugh. “I’m not your brain.”

“Maybe you should be.” She narrows her eyes. “Want the job?”

“Girl, you don’t want me in charge of your brain. Mine is already a mess as it is.”

Her face softens. “How's all that going? How was the weekend?”

“It was good.” I smile softly. “We went to the pumpkin patch, and the kids had a good time. Then we spent the day carving, decorating, and baking.” I chew on my lower lip.

“Aaaaand...” she says, gesturing to me to continue. “I know that look, Lils. You got more tea, so spill.”

“I told my parents that Bishop and I were official. At the table. With everyone around.” I cringe.

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