Page 71 of Secret Twins for My Ex's SEAL Best Friend

“Yeah, but Benny says he has a bonus mom, and he likes it. He even has a bonusdad.He hasfourparents, and he getsdouble the Christmas presents. Plus, he says his bonus mom is a really good cook, and they make brownies together. Maybe Delia knows how to make brownies.” Corinne was talking at lightning speed, swinging her legs and spinning in the chair while she did. No part of her body was still. Behind her, Lizzy cleaned up.

“Maybe. If she doesn’t, would it still be okay?” I asked, eyeing her carefully as I spread peanut butter on the other side.

“I guess so…” Corinne trailed off, suddenly halting all of her fidgeting. “But I would really like her to be good at baking brownies.”

“I’ll give her the note for consideration,” I chuckled.

“So do you think she’d come?” she pressed, getting onto the chair on her knees and leaning over so that she was almost halfway on the counter.

“I could ask her, sweetie. I’m sure if she can make it, she’d love to.”

“That would be good. Benny says his parents all come to his recitals and cheer him on. Wouldn’t that be nice? I could have youandDelia, and then you guys could cheer at the same time, and everyone would think I did really good.” She smiled a satisfied smile at the thought of her adoring fan section.

There was something in her voice that tugged at me, a longing. She didn’t say it outright, but I could tell she was thinking abouther mom. About the space she left behind that no one—not me, not anyone—had been able to fill.

“Tell you what,” I said, meeting her gaze as I set her sandwich in front of her. “I’ll be cheering for you so loud, it’ll feel like you have four parents even if Delia doesn’t come.”

Corinne beamed, satisfied with my answer. “Good. But I think she’ll come.”

As she skipped off to the living room, I stayed rooted in place, my mind racing. I hadn’t expected Corinne to take to Delia so quickly—or at all, really. The fact that she wanted her at the recital felt like both a blessing and a complication.

Falling for Delia meant risking Corinne’s feelings, too, not just mine. It meant opening myself up to the possibility of failure, of loss, of making mistakes I couldn’t take back.

Corinne’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “Daddy, can we get ice cream to celebrate?”

I turned to see that she’d finished her sandwich, peanut butter built up in the corners of her mouth. The small evidence of childhood and her hopeful expression softened the edges of my anxiety. “If you’re buying,” I chuckled, grabbing my keys.

She laughed as she followed me out the door. “You don’t give me an allowance, though.”

“I thought dancers made the big bucks,” I teased.

“Yeah, when I get famous,” Corinne said easily, as though it were a given.

“Oh, okay, I’ll spot you for now.”

thirty-three

Delia

By the time I made it back to my house, the weight of the day pressed down on me like a boulder. I couldn’t move.

My bag felt heavier than usual as I tossed it onto the couch, and my footsteps dragged as I shuffled into my room. I hadn’t even turned the lights on yet; the gray Seattle sky filtering through my window was enough to see by.

I sat on the edge of my bed, my knees shaky, my breaths shallow. My hands hovered over my face, and I tried to hold it all back, but the more I tried to push it down, the harder it fought to come up. My throat felt like a weak dam, and my tears a flood pressing against it.

Missing hours.

Those two words repeated over and over in my head, more and more ominously, until all I could hear was the tone of failure.My hours at the counseling center, the ones I’d spent months building up, were gone. Vanished. And no one knew why. Or, worse, no one was saying why.

It was not what I needed at this point in my life. Aside from all my trouble with men, I was pregnant. I had been holding onto the knowledge that at least I would graduate before I had the baby, but now reality was crashing around me.

I had stayed calm on the way home, told myself I’d be able to do another two semesters, but would I be able to do that with a baby? How would that even be possible?

I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them as the tears finally broke free. They came quietly at first, like a trickle, but soon, I was sobbing into my knees.

I’d worked so hard—pushed so hard—and now I could see it all crumbling. If I didn’t graduate on time, I may never graduate, not with a new baby to take care of. The last six years of school would be for nothing.

I let my head fall back against the wall as the tears continued, feeling raw, broken, and so very tired.

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