There was no way Robert liked me. This had to be some kind of mean joke.

“What?” He sounded astounded at the concept, and he dropped his hands from my body entirely. “I was just…I don’t know.”

“You give me this crap about being immature and, you know, just generally not good enough for you or precious Jeremy, and then youkissme? Did you really even have a panic attack, or was that a trick?” I spit out, my anger mounting at his manipulation.

“No, of course not, I really had a – you know what, just go.” He stepped backwards from me, and my body felt it. I yearned instantly for his body back against mine, but I could hear Jeremy inside, and I was shut off from it.

I couldn’t believe his audacity. He pointed to the door down the hallway.

I crossed my arms. “Oh, you’re kicking me out? You kiss me, and thenIhave to leave?”

“You don’t have to leave, no. By all means, stay, this seems like it’ll be really fun.” He rolled his eyes and turned to go back into his class in the auditorium.

“I don’t feel like you understand how badly what you did fucked up my life. And you think that I’d ever want anything to do with you? You’re a…” I searched for the words, but I couldn’t find anything that quite fit. ‘Jerk’ wasn’t strong enough.

He interrupted my thought process, “I get it. I have a class to teach.”

“Yeah, enjoy your classroom full of women to dive into.”

He spun around before leaving the hallway and hissed, “I don’t like what you’re implying, Delia. This wasn’t something I planned. I’ve never touched anyone in this class before. If you didn’t like it or want it, I guess I read it wrong, and I’m sorry, but that doesn’t give you a right to try to paint me as some pervert.”

My lip twitched. “My ex, who is your best friend, by the way, is right inside there, teaching your class for you. Just being the genuinely nice guy that he is. And he and I broke up because of you. No other reason, Robert, just you. And you’re out here trying to move in on me like you don’t know that.”

“No offense, Delia, but I wasn’t trying that hard.” He smirked, crossing his arms. In that position, his biceps looked so muscular. I wanted to squeeze one.Why did I still want him?

“Excuse me?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.Was he calling me easy?

“I’m just saying.” He ran his tongue over his bottom teeth and smiled. “You seemed pretty into it yourself.”

“Enjoy your class,” I told him and turned to walk down the hallway.

“Yeah, go ahead and go. You seem really good at that part,” he responded, his voice booming down the corridor as I kept going. A little louder, he shouted, “You’re really proving me wrong about that immaturity thing!”

“And you’re really proving me wrong about that jerk thing!” I spat back as I opened the doors and left.

It was only once I got back to my car that I realized I had left all my things, except my phone and my keys, in the classroom.

I texted Jeremy, filled with shame and dread and guilt:Had to go pick up an extra shift. Can you bring my things by later?

I felt even worse knowing that I was having him do a favor for me after what I had just done.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it to Robert, or to myself for that matter, he was right. I was pretty into it myself. I let him kiss me, and then I kissed him back… and quite passionately at that.

So, maybe I was as bad as Robert said.

Maybe I was even worse.

eight

Robert

I laid my head down that night with a heavy heart and a busy mind.

I kept thinking of what Delia said, of what she thought of me, that I was using my self-defense courses for some sort of weird attempt at meeting women.

It disgusted me.

She must have said it to get under my skin. She was attracted to me, and it bothered her.