Page 59 of Seven of Hearts

Leah didn’t say anything until we were back at her door. “I’m really sorry about that,” she said as she slid the key into the lock and let herself in. “I’m not sure why I thought it would be a good idea.”

The unease and anxiety from earlier ate away at me. I tried to choke it down, but it just kept coming back.

“It’s not your fault. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I don’t want to take up anymore of your night,” she said softly as she kicked off her shoes. “You already took time off work for the appointment today. I’m sure you have stuff to catch up on.”

Was I being dismissed? If she needed space, I didn’t want to crowd her.

“Call me if you need something,” I said as I double-checked that the door was locked behind me before pulling it shut.

Maybe I should have stayed, but I was about to crawl out of my skin, and I didn’t want her to have to deal with that too.

I nearly had a panic attack on the drive back to Kristin’s house. Sitting in my car felt like being trapped in a tin can that was slowly being crushed. When I pulled into the driveway, I didn’t even bother going inside. I needed space. Needed air. I headed down to the dock and sat on the edge, letting my feet hang over the water.

The footsteps through the grass ten minutes later weren’t a surprise. Will sat down beside me. We hadn’t talked since I left for the appointment this morning. When I got back to the house after the ultrasound, he was tied up in meetings.

“So what’s the verdict?” he said.

“It’s a boy.”

Will clapped me on the back. “Congratulations. How was dinner with the future grandparents?”

I just shook my head. “I fucked it up.”

“I doubt that. But tell me why you think so.”

I told him everything. There was no sense sparing what had been said. Maybe if I got it off my chest, I’d process it a little more, and let it go.

“You know, I think I disagree,” he said when I finished with my spiel.

I picked up a pebble that had made its way onto the dock, and skipped it across the calm waters of the bay. “What do you mean?”

“You stood up for Leah. You stood up for your baby. That’s not nothing, Logan. I’m sure it wasn’t nothing for Leah. She felt safe enough to tell you that she wanted to leave rather than sticking it out for the sake of maintaining the peace.”

“There’s no peace to maintain,” I muttered. “They hate me. I don’t think that’s ever going to change. They think I’m my dad. Like I’m some trailer trash screw-up.”

“And what do you think?” he prodded. “Because the person you allow others to think you are and treat you as is the person you will become.”

I picked at a groove on the dock. “I know I’m not my dad. But I don’t think they’re entirely wrong. I just...I don’t want to screw up this kid’s life. I’m not sure I’m the right person to be a parent.”

“Whether you’re there or not, you’re a parent.” Will sighed. “Your child deserves better than what you had. But being out of the picture isn’t giving him better. It’s giving him less. There’s a difference. You’re changing the quantity. You’re not changing the quality. That’s what you should be focused on. Be present.”

My throat tightened, because that’s exactly what Will had been for us. Sure, he was rich as hell and had changed our lives in ways I could hardly fathom sometimes, but he didn’t shower us with money and gifts. He was justthere. He listened to Kylie talk about all her boy issues at sixteen. He helped me with school. He talked about books with Hunter, and never complained about playing ‘tea party’ with Zoey.

He was present and engaged.

“Kristin and I never had kids of our own. We had you guys. So any parenting advice I have should be taken with a grain of salt,” Will said with a laugh. “But what I learned from Kris telling me about raising Zoey since she was a baby is that it’s not about going from zero to a hundred. It’s about being present and willing. Be there on day one. Change the diapers. Rock him to sleep. Help Leah with feeding. The parenting crises where you wonder if you’re ruining them for their entire lives will come later. But by then, you’re not sitting at the starting line. You’re somewhere in the middle and you know you’re capable. Diapers and bottles are the baby steps. Start with Leah. Help her. Be there for her.”

I didn’t say anything, just kicked at the water.

“So, how I see it, is that you didn’t fuck it up entirely,” he said. “You stood up for Leah. You set a boundary and made it clear that their treatment of the two of you is unacceptable, and you walked away together. That shows strength, not weakness.”

“Saying that I didn’t fuck it up entirely means I still fucked up.”

Will chuckled. “You’re fucking it up by being here. Did you already forget what I said thirty seconds ago? Start with Leah. Be there for her first. If she’s your priority, the parenting thing will fall in line because you’re on the same team.”

“I don’t think she’s interested in anything romantic,” I admitted.

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