“What’s the matter, baby?” Logan murmured when he appeared behind me in the bathroom mirror. “You look upset.”
I dabbed moisturizer on my cheeks and forehead, and rubbed it in. “I’m fine.”
“I grew up with three women in my house. I know that you’re not.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Are you nervous about your appointment today?”
I had my gestational diabetes screening later today. I wasn’t looking forward to shotgunning a sugary drink, but I hated getting blood drawn with a fiery passion. Logan had offered to go with me so I didn’t have to wait an hour for the blood draw by myself, and I took him up on it without argument.
“No.” It was a half truth, but I didn’t want to admit how insecure I felt.
One moment of watching him jerk off to the memory of us and suddenly everything was painted in shades of pity.
The house we were about to close on...All of his kind gestures and the massive overhaul he had made to his life because of me...
All of it was cloaked in patronizing compassion.
“Okay. You’re being quiet which means you’re thinking, so I’m going to go with that not being it.”
“I’ve gotta get to work,” I said, peeling away from the bathroom counter.
Logan caught me around the waist. “You’ve got twenty minutes before you have to be at the Lawsons’ house, and it only takes seven to get there. Talk to me.”
“No.”
That made him rear back in surprise. Logan looked...hurt. He quickly erased the expression. “Leah, if something’s wrong, I want you to tell me so I can fix it.”
But I didn’t want him to fix it.
I didn’t want him to pretend to be attracted to me if he wasn’t. I wanted him to be honest.
“Tell me what’s going through your head. And if I can’t deal with it, that’s on me. Not you. But at least give me a chance.”
But I couldn’t. My eyes watered, and I looked down so he wouldn’t see me cry. Stupid hormones...
“Leah...” Logan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. “Come here, baby. Talk to me,” he soothed.
“I’ve gotta get going. We can talk later.”
“If you don’t let it out, it’ll just eat at you all day. And if it’s something we can’t tackle right now, we can take the day to make a game plan.”
My tears soaked into his shirt. “I just want to be beautiful to you.”
“Sweetheart, you are the most beautiful thing in the world to me.” He kissed my forehead. “What have I done that makes you think otherwise?”
I waved my hand at his phone that still sat on the edge of the sink. “Because you still wanther.”
Logan peeled back just far enough to search my eyes. “Her? Who? Leah, you’re the only person—” He froze. “You mean the night of the wedding? The recording?” His dark eyes softened.
“I don’t want you to pretend. If you’re not attracted to me in that way anymore, just be honest about it.”
“Listen to me,” Logan said as he licked his lips and took two steps, backing me up against the sink. “Nothing about the way I pleasure myself has anything to do with me not thinking you’re beautiful. It’s the exact opposite. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t keep my hands off you. I have never wanted someone the way I want you, and it scares me. I don’t know how to handle it, so I’m trying to take it slow and give us a chance to do things right.” Logan cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears away. “So let me be clear. I am more attracted to you—physically, sexually, you name it—than I was the night that we made our son. And I really wanted you that night.”
Logan turned me so that I had to look at our reflections in the mirror as he skated his hands up and down each curve and valley of my hips and belly and breasts. “We’ve known each other for a long time. Sometimes as my sister’s best friend. Sometimes as high school acquaintances. Sometimes as the nanny to my friends’ kids. So I should probably admit something.”
My eyes met his in the mirror.
“I still look at you like my sister’s best friend who I have to sneak glances of because she would cut off my nuts if she knew that I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I still look at you as that bubbly blonde I’d see in the hallways sometimes. And yeah—I stared at your ass back then. I would watch you walk away and wonder what it would be like to kiss you.”
I gasped as Logan punctuated his point by kissing and ducking his way up my neck and around my ear.