Page 30 of Square Deal

I slept like shit and woke up with the bedhead to prove it. I tied the sash around my satin robe and padded through the kitchen, pawing around for the light switch.

Did it instantly make me eighty years old if I installed those clap-on-clap-off lights?

I fought off a big yawn and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

“Morning, Princess,” Isaac said from his perch atop one of the stools that circled the kitchen island.

I shrieked and jumped back, clasping my hand over my mouth. “Geez! What the fuck is your problem, Lawson? You nearly made me jump out of my skin!”

He chuckled and drank whatever was in the mug he had pulled out of the cabinet. “Kinda surprised,” he said between sips. “I hadyou pegged as an early riser, and it’s already—” he paused and looked at his overpriced wristwatch “—nine-thirty.”

“Didn’t sleep,” I muttered, making my way to the coffee maker, and pouring myself a cup of whatever he had brewed.

And it was all his fault for leaving me hot and bothered all night.

Isaac studied me cautiously. “You’re wearing makeup.”

I raised an eyebrow as I chugged my coffee. “So?”

“Do you usually put on a full face of makeup before you come downstairs in the morning?”

“When I have company, yes.”

“You worried about what I’d say if I saw you without all your war-paint on? Seems a little petty to me,” he mused. “I’ve seen you naked.”

“As the reigning dictator of the house of petty, I will do whatever I damn well please,” I snapped.

“Good to see those orgasms I generously donated last night didn’t fix your mood.”

“Are we back tothisagain?” I said, motioning between us as I finished off my coffee. “Because I didn’t sleep last night, and that means my comebacks are going to be pretty lame.”

Isaac laced his fingers together around his mug. “Actually,” he said, clearing his throat. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about. An offer.”

I yanked open the fridge and grabbed one of my pre-made protein shakes. “What kind of an offer?” I asked cautiously, twisting the cap off and taking a sip of chalky chocolate milk.

He looked me dead in the eye and said, “Mutually beneficial sexual relations as defined by a notarized contract.”

The protein shake dropped from my hand, shooting brown goop all the way to the ceiling and across the floor. I sprayed a fine mist across the kitchen island, coating everything in spewed questionable dairy-ish product.

“Well,” I gasped, trying not to choke on the little bit of proteinshake that actually made it down my throat. “You certainly don’t bury the lede.”

“Hear me out, Hannah?—”

I put up my hand, stopping him right then and there. “I’m sorry, am I crazy, or did you just proposition me?”

“Nothing illegal about it,” he argued. “I checked.”

“Youchecked?”

“Yeah,” he said casually. “I called my lawyer and had her look into it.”

“In the middle of the night?! You woke your lawyer up just to ask if asex contractwas legal?” I shouted.

“Yeah.”

“And that isn’t weird to you?” I was hysterical.

He chuckled. “Not the weirdest thing I’ve ever asked my lawyer by a long shot.” Isaac stood up and walked to the sink to grab the roll of paper towels. I was still standing in a puddle of room-temperature shake. “Listen, Princess. I was up all night thinking about it, so just hear me out.”

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