Page 36 of Chasing Forever

The sigh I let loose felt like it drained my lungs of oxygen. “I’m tired. And I’m mad,” I admitted, getting to the root of everything that had been swirling around inside me for the past couple hours. The more I thought about it, the madder I got, and as strange as it might have been, I actually preferred the anger over the numbness. I’d spent all those years with Warren numbing myself in order to survive. I’d take feeling anything over that.

“No, you know what? I’m not just mad. I’m pissed!”

Tristan cast me a curious look before looking back to the road. “You want to talk about it?”

“Going through everything with Rochelle just reminded me of how long I spent trapped with that monster. I’ll never get those years back. I met him when I was barely twenty-one. My most formative years are just gone!”

His brows pinched together. “Well, I wouldn’t say they were all your formative years. You’re still young, Dandelion. There’s a whole lot of life left to live.”

“I get that, but it’s not only that those years are gone. I’m also mad I spent them being scared and lonely and sad. The more I told Rochelle, the more I realized those were the only emotions I felt, Tristan. For six years, there was nothing but fear, loneliness, and sadness.”

“Baby,” he rasped out, that one word coming out thick with pain. His jaw ticked as his fingers clenched the steering wheel. Despite the agony in his voice and etched onto his face, I couldn’t help but feel a flutter of pleasure at him calling me baby. It wasn’t quite as good as Dandelion, but there was an intimacy to it that warmed me from the inside out.

His hand shot across the center console and grasped mine, lacing our fingers together and bringing them across so he could rest them both on his thick, strong thigh. “I could kill him for making you feel that way,” he said in a low growl as he visibly fought to keep himself in check. I’d seen him do that more than once, and I knew he was trying to rein in his anger so he didn’t do or say something to scare me.

But he couldn’t scare me. Not anymore. If there was one person on this planet I trusted above everyone else, it was Tristan Fanning. He was the best man I’d ever known, and I knew down to my very soul he would never hurt me. He’d proven that time and time again.

“When I think about what he did to you?—”

I twisted in my seat and pulled my hand free of his so I could wrap it around the back of his neck. It would have been so much easier to comfort him if we weren’t driving, but I’d make do. “Don’t think about it.”

“Merritt—”

“I’m serious, Tris. Stop thinking about it. I’ve decided that’s what I’m going to do.”

He cast a skeptical look in my direction. “Just like that, huh? You make it sound easy.”

I pressed my fingers into his skin before dragging them up into the hair at the nape of his neck. It was the first time I touched his hair. I’d wondered for weeks what his hair felt like, and now I knew it was just as soft and silky as it looked. He leaned into my touch like it provided him with comfort.

“I didn’t say it was going to be easy. It’ll probably be hard as hell. But I’m going to do it anyway. You know why?”

I felt the tension in his neck start to melt away, and when he glanced my way, there was a tiny smile playing on his lips. “Why’s that, Dandelion.”

I returned his smile. As soon as I made that decision, it was as though a weight lifted off my chest. It was the strangest sensation, both scary and thrilling at the same time.

“Because I’m strong enough now to take my life back.”

“Baby...” I was really starting to like that word. “You’ve always been strong. Strongest woman I know.”

My insides began to melt. “Okay then, because I finally believe I’m strong enough to take my life back. How’s that?”

He answered by pulling my hand from the back of his neck and bringing it around to press a kiss to my knuckles. Then he intertwined our fingers again. I was getting the sense that Tristan was big on hand holding, and I did not dislike it. “That’s great, Merritt. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

I made another decision in that very moment.

As soon as he pulled to a stop at a red light, I leaned a little closer to him and lowered my voice. “Ask me why I believe I’m strong enough, Tristan.”

His head whipped in my direction, that pale blue in his eyes darkening as a million different emotions swirled inside their depths. “Merritt...”

“Ask me. Please.”

His throat worked on a swallow and his nostrils flared on a deep inhale before he finally spoke softly, asking, “Why do you believe you’re strong enough?”

“Because of you.”

His hand shot out, wrapping around the back of my neck and pulling me toward him so he could rest his forehead against mine. He squeezed his eyes closed, his features a twisted mixture of pain and pleasure.

I don’t know how long we sat like that before he finally opened his eyes again and stared straight into mine.

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