Page 14 of Valentine's with the Cartel

"Your mind is too quick for me sometimes," I admitted. "But this time, I think you're giving yourself far too little credit for your own desirability. It's not just about my desire to touch you that has me speaking so frankly. I want you to understand what you've gotten yourself into with me."

I saw the way Anan's eyes widened at my words, a flicker of real interest warring with lingering suspicion in their depths as he gazed up at me warily.

"You make it sound like some sort of dire warning," he remarked after a long beat. He was still on guard against me, but I could sense the way his curiosity was slowly overtaking his reservations.

"It is," I said bluntly, my expression turning sober as I cupped his chin in one large hand, tilting his face up to meet my gaze head-on. "I have done things in the past that would makemost men cringe and recoil in disgust. I have killed for reasons both noble and base, I have tortured for answers and inflicted pain out of cruelty rather than necessity."

Anan swallowed hard at my words, the color draining from his cheeks as he stared up at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. But to be honest, was it surprising that I did those things? I didn't think it was.

Even though we had only just been married mere hours ago, the revelation of this dark side to me was clearly rocking him to the core. Quite a fascinating reaction it was.

"Why are you telling me this?" He breathed, his voice barely above a whisper as he struggled to process the enormity of what I had just confessed to him. "What could possibly have possessed you to think I would want to know such horrific things about your past? About the man I've bound myself to for the rest of my life?"

I shrugged lightly even as something tightened in my chest at the raw vulnerability shining in Anan's eyes. This was the moment I had been leading up to all along—the pivotal juncture where he would either recoil in revulsion or accept me for who I truly was, dark spots and all.

"I'm not asking you to condone the things I've done," I said softly as I stroked a soothing hand down the side of his face. "But neither am I willing to hide from you. You deserve to know the man you're stuck with, even if that man isn't perfect or clean-cut." There was no denying it—Anan did want to know this about me.

"You are either brave beyond words or foolish in a way that is truly staggering," I mused aloud with a wry quirk on my lips. "I have yet to determine which."

Anan blinked rapidly, clearly taken aback by the compliment even as he tried not to let it show on his face. The scent of his arousal spiked noticeably at the praise, the copperytang of blood mixing intriguingly with the sweet musk of his excitement.

"You can be both," he murmured almost dreamily after a moment's consideration, a small smile playing about the corners of his mouth. "Perhaps it's not such an absurd thought that you're not irredeemably wicked, despite how much I may have come to believe it."

I leaned down then, capturing his lips in a slow, deep kiss that had him gasping into my mouth and arching up off the bed in wanton need. As we tangled tongues and teased each other with nips and licks, I reveled in the feel of him pressed against me—the hot slide of his skin, the way he fit so perfectly in the cradle of my larger frame as if we had been made for this moment. And maybe we had been.

"I will never claim to be anything less than wicked," I murmured roughly against his lips when we finally broke apart, my voice gravel and heavy with desire. "But I do swear on my life that I will always be loyal to you above all else." And those words were true, as much as anything else had ever been. I would never betray my husband.

Anan made a low noise of pleasure deep in his throat at the vow, his eyelids fluttering shut as he savored it like a fine wine on his tongue. "I think that's a start," he breathed when he could speak again, his arms coming up to loop loosely around my neck with a sense of acceptance that I knew would only grow stronger over time.

I grinned fiercely at that, all the love and devotion I already bore for him shining out in my eyes. He was going to be so much fun to break apart piece by piece until he was raw and exposed before me.

"You know," I murmured languidly as I trailed my fingers along the sensitive skin at the nape of his neck, relishing the way he shivered against me. Oh, how I loved his reaction. "There area few other things you should be aware of when it comes to my past and the cartel."

Anan tensed slightly in my arms, no doubt expecting more gruesome confessions or some sordid revelation about how I had personally slaughtered dozens of people. I was impressed by his imagination. It wasn't too far from the truth.

But instead of dwelling on my bloody exploits, I wanted to give him a glimpse into the complex web of family and loyalty that defined my life within the cartel's hierarchy.

"My father and brothers have not always seen eye to eye with me," I began carefully, knowing that this could be a delicate topic for Anan given his own experiences. "There were tensions there long before I ascended to leadership."

Anan made a small sound of acknowledgment in the back of his throat as he listened with the utmost attention, his body language telegraphing the depth of his focus even if his expression remained guarded.

"What kind of tensions?" He prompted when it became clear that I wasn't going to elaborate without some prodding. I wanted him to interact with me in this way, too.

I smiled thinly at his directness. There was no getting around it—my husband had a spine of steel concealed beneath all that delectable softness. It made him all the more irresistible to me.

"Political ones, largely," I replied. "Disagreements over the direction of the cartel's operations and how best to maintain our position in the city."

Anan nodded slowly, his brow furrowing as he processed this new information. He clearly knew from Mara that there were those within the organization who had opposed my ascension, but perhaps not the full extent of the family strife involved.

"What does that mean for me?" Anan asked eventually, and I could hear the hidden question in his voice—was I still concerned about these factions potentially using him as a pawn in some power struggle? It was understandable for him to worry given Mara's machinations, but I wasn't going to let her meddling destroy what we had. What he had with me.

"There will always be those who seek to undermine me," I said, meeting Anan's gaze. "But as my husband now, you have the full weight and protection of the Nightshade family behind you. Anyone foolish enough to target you or try to use you against me would be declaring open war." And make no mistake—I would raze cities for anyone who dared lay a hand on him. It couldn't be any different. The more time I spent with him, the more I realized how important he was to me, despite the little time we'd been together.

"More importantly," I continued in a softer tone as I cupped his face, "I need you to trust that I will always have your best interests at heart. In every decision I make and action I take, you come before anything else. You are my priority now and nothing can ever change that."

Anan blinked, emotions flickering across his expressive features—shock, hope, tentative joy mingled with residual wariness. He never expected to see me behaving this way.

It was a complex mix that spoke volumes about how deeply he yearned to believe in me even as years of conditioning and pain made him wary of taking the leap of faith that I was asking for. But I didn't have anything to worry about. I was nothing if not patient.

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