Page 65 of Reign

Ember

“Hey! Concentrate.”Rawson easily knocked my punch aside and raised his brows.

“Sorry.”

“C’mon. Break time.” He led me to the table where Som had placed some bottles of water. I broke one open and chugged half the bottle in one go. Wiping my mouth, I sighed.

“Em, you know he can’t let you near that Rift.”

I scowled and plonked myself down on the mats. “I do. Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.”

He smirked at my snark and joined me. We sat side by side, and my heart squeezed. It had been just over five years since Lyssa had been killed by Doherty. Rawson was still a handsome man, and though he was in his late thirties, as a shifter, he aged slowly, as did all shifters. I had a feeling the grey streaks in his hair were more from the stress of losing his mate.

“No, you don’t. But would you really put your baby at risk by going? Even if Connor wasn’t doing what every protective male would do for his pregnant mate?”

“Urgh, why do you have to be so bloody reasonable all the time?” But I smiled. He was right. I wouldn’t risk our baby.

We sat in companionable silence for a while, the sounds above us in the main building loud and busy. Rawson cocked his head and listened, a slight dip to his brow. My heart warmed. I couldn’t quite believe he was sitting right next to me, that we had been training just like we used to. I took his hand in mine, and he turned and smiled at me.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.”

He huffed and smiled. “Yeah? I’m glad you are too. And that you are with Connor.” His gaze dropped to my abdomen. I wore yoga leggings and a cropped top, determined not to give up my normal wardrobe until I was forced to by my changing body. My stomach gently curved outwards, nothing to alert anyone who wasn’t a shifter that I was pregnant. A brief flash of pain filled his eyes before he hid it. “Lyss would be so pleased for you both,” he said, his voice thick.

I swallowed against the ache in my throat. “I know. Are you?”

He squeezed my hand. “Of course I am. I always knew you’d end up together. I saw it that first day I brought you home, and Connor wouldn’t leave you. Do you know he sat outside your room every night for a fortnight after you arrived? In the end, I threatened to kick his arse if he didn’t leave you to go and get some sleep.”

A warm feeling spread through my chest. “He sat outside my door?”

“Yeah, he did. You’re with the right person, Em. And I couldn’t be happier that you are having a young one.”

I peered down at our joined hands, the question I’d always wanted to ask but never got a chance to, tumbling from my mouth. “Why didn’t you and Lyss have any children? Was it because of Connor and me? Were we too much for Lyss?”

“What? No, of course not.” He pulled his hand away and rubbed his face. “We tried for years, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” He looked right at me and took my hands in both of his. “Don’t ever think you held us back in any way. We took you in because we wanted to, both you and Connor. And nothing that has happened would ever make me regret that.”

“Do you still miss her?” It was a stupid question. Of course he did, but I needed reassurance that he was okay, or that he would be okay.

His gaze dropped to the floor as his throat bobbed. “Every minute of every day, but so much has happened since she was taken from me…” He gulped, his own eyes shining and his heavy brow dipping so low it bunched together over the bridge of his nose. His voice was almost a whisper when he spoke again. “Sometimes I can’t remember her face, or I can, but it's blurred, you know? Then I get scared that I’m forgetting her, so I try to remember her laugh, or the way she would stroke her fingers through my hair, or how she looked when we made love. So many things.” His voice broke.

My eyes burned, and tears trailed down my cheeks. I didn’t hide them. I’d loved Lyss, and I still loved Rawson. His pain was my own.

“But even though my pain is still there, I guess I mostly feel numb.” He banged his heart with his fist. “In here. I don’t think I’m capable of ever loving anyone that way again.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I moved closer to him and wound my arms around his shoulders, giving what comfort I could.

I leanedagainst Connor’s chest and held his massive body close. The strength of his embrace made it hard to breathe, but I wasn’t going to point that out. I didn’t want to let go—ever. Oh, gods, Connor was going out there without me. It didn’t matter that he was stronger than all of our kind or that his wolf spirit was born in the depths of Hell. He was my mate—mine, and I couldn’t let him go…

“Em? Baby? I have to go.”

There it was again, that endearment. My heart squeezed. He was worried. Why was he so worried if everything was going to be okay?

He kissed the top of my head and buried his face in my hair. “Firecracker, you have to let me go.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t. Mine, remember?”

His smile moved my hair. “I am. And I’ll still be yours when I get back. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t change the fact that I need to go and kick those demons back to Hell.”

Reluctantly, I pulled away. “I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.”

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