Page 152 of The Black Trilogy

“It’s okay. It’s me. I’m overly sensitive at the moment. I need to give myself a good talking to.”

I gulped in air, trying to swallow my sobs. Which didn’t work, darn it. I’d already broken down on Nick once in England, and I hated the thought of embarrassing myself further by doing it again.

Nick spun me to face him, then gently lifted me onto the edge of the grand piano and caged me in with his arms. With anyone else, I’d have felt trapped and fought my way out, but this was Nick.

My makeshift perch put me at eye level with him, and I tried to look away. Staring into someone’s eyes was like looking into their soul, and I didn’t want Nick to see the pain and blackness tumbling through mine at this moment.

Except he wasn’t about to let me off. He put a still-sweaty palm against my cheek and turned my head so I faced him again, leaning forward so his forehead rested against mine and I couldn’t break his gaze.

“It will get better, I promise,” he whispered.

“How can it?” Right now, Virginia felt bleaker than the Arctic. “Everything here reminds me of him. I’m sitting on a piano that only he ever played, in a room that was more his than mine, in a house he helped me to build. I could go into work, but if I did, I’d have to drive a car he bought for me to an office we shared at a company named after him.”

Nick didn’t answer, just softly stroked my hair.

And my words just kept tumbling out. “When I face people again, I know they’ll offer sympathy, or pity, or avoid me altogether because they don’t know what to say. Or they’ll say something that reminds me of our life, like you did. Everything I see or hear or do or think brings back memories and makes me miss him more. And the nights are even worse.”

“It’ll get better because we’ll make sure it does. All of us. You’re not alone in this.”

I sighed. “I appreciate you guys being here, really I do. It’s just my head’s a mess, and I can’t fix it. I’ve never felt like this before.”

“It’s called grief, Emmy, and it’s perfectly normal to feel this way. Your world got turned upside down. It’s going to take time for the hurt to fade.”

“I don’t think it ever will. It hasn’t so far. At least now I know I had a heart, despite what people said, because I can feel the massive black hole in my chest now it’s been ripped out of me.”

“It’ll be like that for a while.”

“How long did it take you? With Jana?” I whispered.

He stared at the wall beyond me, remembering too. “A couple of years before I could look at a picture of her. Double that to remember the good times rather than the end.”

A tear ran down my cheek, the wet track cooling under Nick’s breath. His eyes glistened as well.

“Forever isn’t enough time,” I said, my voice hoarse.

Nick pulled me forward into a hug. “I know, baby. I know. What can I do to help?”

“Nothing,” I said weakly, my words muffled against his chest. “I thought about renting a place where I wouldn’t be surrounded by reminders all the time, but I’ll have to face up to things at some point. There’s so much for me to sort out—his companies, his investments, the properties, the will. And Miriam’s suing me on top of that.”

“Miriam’s suing you?”

“You didn’t know?”

“No, nobody said.”

“Yeah, well, she is. She wants his money. She won’t get it, but it’s just one more thing to deal with. I need a distraction. Somehow, when I was living in England all this didn’t seem so real.”

“How can I take your mind off things? Do you want to watch a movie? Have dinner? Go shopping? What about a holiday?”

“You’re seriously offering to go shopping?”

If Nick would go that far, he must be really worried about me.

It was almost funny watching him squirm. “Uh, Dan’s coming back tomorrow. She’d love to go. Or Mack. I could cover for Mack at work while she takes you shopping.”

“Thanks, but I’ll pass. I always leave the shopping to Bradley, anyway. He knows what I want to wear far better than I do. No, I think what I need to do is get back to work. That’s gonna be uncomfortable though—I’ll be like an exhibit in a zoo.”

“Do you want me to send a memo around telling everyone they should treat you as normal?”

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