Page 375 of The Black Trilogy

“A little, but I don’t feel as if it was really me with Luke. It was some strange, hollowed-out version of me. She looked like Emmy and sounded like Emmy, but there was nothing inside. He’s not the type of man I’d go for at all if I was feeling myself.”

“I’m glad he was there for you. I’m just sorry I wasn’t.”

“Stop apologising. It was my fault. At least you had Akari.” I took a deep breath “You two seem close.”

“Hers was the only friendly face I saw in that pit, but we barely got a chance to speak. The guards were always around, so it was just whispers when she brought my food. I tried to get her to find me a weapon, something I could use to get myself out of there, but she was too scared.” He shook his head infinitesimally. “I’d have needed another eight months to convince her.”

“I wonder if she’s looking to you as a replacement for your brother?”

“It sounds odd when you say ‘brother.’” He paused, turning things over in his mind. “I’ll help her with money and moral support, but I’ll never be a replacement for Carlos. She’s sweet and compliant, and I need more of a challenge. I like a woman with a few sharp edges, Emmy. You must know that.”

Okay, this conversation was weird. Black’s preference in women wasn’t something we’d made a habit of talking about, and I didn’t relish the idea of starting now. Time to move on.

“So what now?”

He sat still for a long moment. He had that habit, the one of thinking things through. Not like me. Nine times out of ten, I’d jump in, foot in mouth, and say something inappropriate.

Eventually, he spoke. “Well, I think I screwed up, and you think you screwed up. But we got through it and we’re both here now. Luke’s happy with Mack, and Akari’s got her family back. So can we just put the past eight and a half months behind us, go back home, and be screwed up together? Like we always used to? If we dwell on the past, it’ll eat away at our sanity and destroy us.”

“I don’t know if I can. You were always the strong one, Black.”

He shifted and looked at me, and my breath hitched. I was used to him delving into my soul, but at that moment, his guard came down and I could see into his.

“Because I had you. When we met, you completed a part of me I didn’t know was missing. I was always strong because you needed me to be, but I only had that strength because you gave it to me in the first place. So please, Emmy, understand how much I need you.”

He turned away, and his hand came up to swipe at his cheek.

Fudge.

How should I react? He’d never said anything like that before. Never given any indication that he needed me as much as I needed him. I wanted more than anything to have the kind of life we used to have, though. And more. How could I tell him I wanted more?

He waited for me to say something.

I needed to say something.

Say something, Emmy.

“Well, when you put it like that, I’ll try, okay? I want things to be how they were as well.”

Gah! That was terrible. The words I really wanted to say were stuck in my throat. Three little words I’d never uttered to anybody.

Three little words, eight tiny letters, one big deal.

Because once I said them, I couldn’t take them back.

Black’s lips parted slightly, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something else. But he didn’t. Instead, he sat in silence for a minute or two, staring at the blackened wall. When my nerves had begun to stretch, stretch, stretch, he stood up.

“You’re right; this couch is still damp. Let’s go home. It’s late, and we both need sleep.”

He held out his hand, and I reached up and took it. Effortlessly, he pulled me to my feet, and I took my place at his side. I never wanted to be anywhere else. Never. As darkness fell, we walked back through the tunnel, our palms heating as they joined us.

CHAPTER 28

PEACE REIGNED IN Riverley Hall when we got back. Without Black around, people had drifted off. He led me straight upstairs, and when we got to the second floor, I trailed him into his bedroom. Our rooms were next to each other with an interconnecting door. We often stayed up late talking, and the last thing I insisted Black do each night was to lock that door so I couldn’t get to him. Mainly in case I went sleepwalking, but also a tiny bit in case I ever got tempted to give into my feelings, run in there, and throw myself at his sculpted, oh-so-delicious body.

Yes, I know I said if I ever saw him again, I’d confess all, but now that moment had miraculously arrived, I’d chickened out.

I was such a freaking coward.

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